"Courage it would seem is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all it's sorrows is good, that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding and that there is always tomorrow".

Found this quote on Kelli's facebook page today and thought I would share it.  I find it quite inspirational.

Today they sprung me and not a moment too soon.  I think they watch for you to start to get cranky and that's a sign to get you out of there.  I even heard a nurse talking in the hall yesterday about some patient (not me) that just got nastier as they got better and it was time to send them home.  Don't think I fell into that category however my night nurse "Josh" just about got an earful last night.  I was quite pooped after being home for the afternoon and having hone for a good walk was ready for bed,  nodding off into one of the few fitful sleeps I have had in that place around 10PM.  Midnight strikes, the lights flick on and in walks a cheery Josh to take my vitals.  I could have smacked him.  They do take your vitals every night at midnight but most of them are pretty good about going about their business and although you know they are there they don't really purposefully awake you!  He left and I went back to sleep again.  5 AM some woman comes in and starts emptying glasses of water into the sink beside my bed.  I felt like sitting up and saying "you're kidding me."  Drifted again...5:30 another person comes in, opens the bathroom door and takes a look, then shuts the door and leaves.  If they had to come in and look I wish they could have come in and cleaned it.  Four people sharing a bathroom, you would think it would get cleaned on a daily basis.  Not so....I think in the entire time I was there it was not thoroughly cleaned once.  Now that's a healthy, germ free place don't you think?

This morning the wheels went into motion to let me go.  I am still not eating, other than the delicious cocktail I infuse into myself for 10 hours every night.  I will have another swallow test as an out patient in a couple of a weeks but I seriously do believe it is improving.  My talking has been pretty good today but still not my old voice.  There is still a long road ahead of me.  I will most likely get more chemotherapy down the road and I really have to get back to the business of eating.  Just think about how much of our social life revolves around a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a meal.......to have that gone is huge.  Mine is only gone temporarily but still it's a little disconcerting when you consider that one of the things Bill and I have always loved to do is have friends over for dinner and to go to their homes for a meal.  I have many friends who are amazing cooks.  Sometimes I used to get grumpy about having to cook but now I would love to do it!  There are so many things I seriously will never complain about again and I really do mean that.

Got home and put on the old walking shoes.  We headed out for the same kilometre loop we did yesterday.  The flat part is good, the down hill is great, the uphill is torture BUT I did the entire hill today without stopping.  So better today than yesterday and yesterday was better than the day before.
I was sucking wind big time the whole way up.  It just blows my mind.  Bill looked at me and said this must be really hard for you when almost your entire life you have been focussed on being fit.  It actually is true.  I started playing badminton when I was 10 or 11 and even then we used to go to the Winter Club in the morning to run laps and do wind sprints.  I have been doing intentional exercise for probably the last 45 years of my life so for this to occur is shocking. Shocking but temporary!  I still like  the reference our friend Deb made for me "Goin on a Lion Hunt.....Can't go around it....gotta go through it..."I think of that analogy often.

So I've got almost three weeks to be strong enough to make the trip south.  I know I'm going to be an observer more than a participant but I am so happy I am going to be able to go.  There will be friends and family there and to just be part of the whole experience will be an awesome reward for the past four months.  We were just saying that it has been four months since I was diagnosed.  They said to expect it to take a year to return to a normal life.  I'm starting to see that that is very much a reality for me.  So baby steps.....baby steps.....I'm getting there.