Last month we had a pipe burst in our basement and it soaked a lot of the stuff my parents had in storage.  When I came home there was a box of my old sentimental t-shirts up in my room that my mom wanted me to sort through - I had stored them in the basement for safekeeping. For the last few weeks I’ve been wearing an old favorite to bed – a shirt that once belonged to my Grandma.  On the front in bright fluorescent pink letters it says, “if Mom says no ask Grandma.”  Over the last few months my mom has reminded me a lot of my Grandma.  My Grandma passed away when I was 16 – of lymphoma. To this day I feel so incredibly fortunate to have shared such a close relationship with her and to carry so many amazing memories. I never saw my Grandma cry.  I’m not saying crying is a sign of weakness – in fact, I am the queen of tears.  I constantly have to remind my family that just because I cry doesn’t mean I’m not positive or optimistic; it just hurts me to see my mom go through this. My Grandma was a fierce patient - a nurse herself with high expectations for her care and high expectations for her recovery.  She didn’t waste any time sitting around feeling sorry for herself.  She was all business.  My mom tells me that even after her cancer had progressed and she was told there was nothing left to be done, she picked herself up, brushed herself off, and marched out of the hospital, determined not to waste a single moment of her life.  Mom has been exactly the same way.  When she called me in Vancouver on December 14^th to tell me about her diagnosis, her voice shook a little, but she made it clear she was going to do everything in her power to get past this. We all have our moments – and I’d be lying to say I haven’t “lost it” more than once.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed with rage – so angry that this has happened to our family.  But mom – if she’s had those moments, she has fooled us all - "true strength is keeping everything together when everyone expects you to fall apart." Her courage, her strength, her determination, and her ability to overcome anxiety, fear, and pain - it has been remarkable.  I didn’t know she had it in her.  I guess she is cut from the same cloth as my Grandma.

She continues to do well.  Everyday she gets a little stronger.  She finally got some sleep last night and looked like a million bucks this morning (comparatively speaking).  Today she started receiving a small amount of nutrition through her feeding tube (which goes directly in to her small intestine).   I think she’ll notice an improvement in her energy tomorrow because of this.  Tuesday is the big day – the swallowing test….we’re all a bit nervous about it.  If it goes well she will likely be discharged home around the end of next week – if it doesn’t, well – that will be fine too…we will work around it.  One day at a time…although we all wish we could fast-forward a week (or a month).

This morning mom received a few more WHITE RABBITS to add her growing “herd” (See Lindsey, my brother’s wife-to-be, in the picture below).  My goodness, she’s getting quite the collection.  The white rabbit has duel significance.  The year my Grandma passed away she gave me a big white rabbit – a beautiful stuffed animal with giant floppy ears. I named it Isabelle (my Grandma’s middle name).  Isabelle has been my “adult” comfort.  When mom was diagnosed I bought her an Isabelle counterpart – Isabelle Jr. “for tough times.”  Separate from this, the “white rabbits” tradition on the first of every month goes back as far as I can remember and as far as mom can remember too. A silly family superstition that is taken very seriously in this household!

Anyway, I hope everyone had a nice weekend.  The weather here has been great – a nice change from the Vancouver gloom if I do say so myself.  I’ll continue to post – although dad teases me that the readership has declined since mom stopped writing her own blogs ;)