Just had to include a photo of the Winnie the Pooh pillow my badminton group gave to me as a reminder that I just need to get past this "bother".....using "positivity, perseverance and patience." These will be good reminders for me in the week to come!

Had another endoscope this morning. Did not get much opportunity to talk to my surgeon but he did say the PET Scan was good and that he would review the results of it with me tomorrow. One thing about surgeons is that once they don't want to talk to you anymore they just signal the nurse to give you your shot and boom.....you are gonzo! I would love a shot of that stuff before I go to bed at night. I could have especially used some of it last night!  It was not a night for sleep I'm afraid....fretting I think.....I am actually hitting the scared "shitless" phase of this journey. He told me I would need an enema the night before my surgery but I'm thinking, given my current state of mind this might be unnecessary!

I was thinking about the psychology of sport and winning this morning and was struck by the similarities of winning in sport and winning in life! This is the race of my life. I just feel like I am going to win. You are all supporting me in so many ways and your support encourages me to hold on to this belief. In sport you think about winning every day leading up to your event. In training, in practice and even as you are falling asleep at night. Sports psychologists will tell you that visualizing yourself winning is exactly what you should do. When I was taking chemotherapy and radiation I would visualize those little pac men gobbling up the cancer cells! I practiced that visualization all the time! I am told the tumour is basically inactive now....guess those little pac men did their jobs! As March 27 draws closer (only 6 days to to) I am looking at the surgery as the "event". This will become the now and I must stay focussed and positive. That is my job. I have already programmed myself for success but I will have to pass control over to my surgeon on that day and trust he knows what is best for me! You all have so much faith in me and although I don't often allow myself to think failure I would be lying if I said my mind never goes there! The good news is that those thoughts are fleeting and are quickly banished. I plan to be here for a long time to come!