Just heading back to Calgary from Vancouver!  Bill was up at the crack of dawn (5:30 AM) chomping  the bit to go.  Maureen and Duane have pretty good security in their building so I was annoyed we were going to have to get them out of bed so we could exit the building.  You need a key fob to go down the elevator and also one to exit the parkade.  We finally decided we would go down to the

parkade and I would let him out, then I’d head back up to their place on the 12^th floor, return the keys, then exit via the stairs which need to be left unlocked due to fire regulations.  Worked like a charm except for the fact I couldn’t lock the door to their place once I dropped the keys back.  Oh well….with that kind of security I don’t think they had any worries.

I have been very emotional today which is quite unlike me.  I think I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with thoughts of leaving my home, my friends and family which have really been my strength over these past months.  It has all happened so quickly. I am happy to be part of the study and I am excited to be given this opportunity, however,  I have had my moments.  Today I  thought about several friends who are also going through very tough circumstances right now and from them I have managed to gather some strength. I hope they too gather strength from me in their low moments.   I have spent some time today thinking about each of these amazing people and realize that although each of us is facing different challenges there are definitely strong threads of commonalities.  First I thought of Sandy who is still awaiting a lung transplant in Edmonton.  She too has had to leave her home city, Saskatoon, in order to get the medical care she needs.  I faithfully follow her husbands accounts of their days at the University Hospital and stories of friends and family coming to visit.  I know how much Sandy loves her kids and her grandchildren and although this time away must be excrutiatingly painful, she has hope that her life will be saved so she can return home and continue to be part of their lives.  I think of Monica who has been an inspiration, a role model, a source of information and a friend.  She has battled this horrible disease for 14 years and is going in for yet another surgery in the next couple of weeks.  Her son is also undergoing surgery for his own issues.  This is a family who has been dealt a lousy hand, yet continue to live life fully with a hopeful eye on the future.  I think of my friends Lorna and Cliff who are also wrestling through this maze, trying to live a normal life when life is far, far from normal!  Then there’s my dear friend Sandra who has lived with lupus for most of her adult life.  She is going through a terrible rough patch right now and recently sent me an email that struck a chord because it is totally reflective of my thoughts.  The worst part of being faced with life threatening illness is not the struggles you yourself have to endure ..... as challenging as these might be , the worst partt is knowing that your family and friends who love you are living this nightmare with you!  We have all become so good at reading each others moods.   When I reflect on all the “stories” out there I realize that mine is just one of many.  I know I have to remain strong and focused on what I hope to gain from participating in this trial.  No one ever told me achieving this goal would be easy.  We all have our "litle bothers in this life!"

So tomorrow I return to Calgary.  I have had time to reflect on whether or not I'm doing the right thing and the simple conclusion I have come to is that I won't know if I don't try.  I have a few days to get organized for my month away and I have a great party to attend on Saturday night with my fellow Honey Badgers and all our supporters!  If any of you are reading this and are wondering "What can I do for her?" I can tell you.  Please stay connected!  I love your emails, I love hearing what you are up to and what your kids are doing, I love your stories.......keep me in the loop. You know how I love to be part of things!!!    I have been so blessed with your companionship over these past months:  coffee dates, lunches and dinners, shows  ......now I will need to settle for "virtual companionship".

Today I read a something my friend Carol posted…….I loved some of the quotes and certainly appreciated that these 15 steps were food for thought.

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  

You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.