Had my first real haircut in almost a year today.  I haven't really lost my hair....it's thinned but then came back when I had the break for surgery but to be honest it really hasn't grown either....it's just become scraggly.  I kept thinking I was going to lose it and didn't want to "waste" my money having a haircut but last week Kelli looked at me and said "Mom, you're getting a mullet!"  I had secretly been thinking the same thing so this was the kick I needed to get my butt to the hairdresser for a tune up.  Actually it felt really good to get things trimmed up a little and it was fun to chat with my chatty hairdresser!  She has had her life issues and has a pretty good perspective on what life's all about.  Interestingly she is married to a fellow who sat behind me in Grade 8.  We lost touch after Junior High School, as we went on to different High Schools but interestingly I believe he was the first heart transplant recipient at the Foothills Hospital many years ago! Happily, he is alive and well and he and Lorna are enjoying and appreciating life!  They are off to Hawaii next month!

I have been in a bit of a frump the past few days.  Thinking I'm fretting a little about the PET scan....you do know how I whine about that one.  It always causes me angst, but this go round it seems to be even bigger.  There is so much riding on it, at least in my head there is!  I knew it was coming up but finally got my date today.....Will be so glad to get that one over and done with and so hopeful that my results will be positive!

I used to be into sports psychology.  Loved to read about it and tried to practice some of the theories surrounding it.  It didn't always work but it was something that has always held a little intrigue for me, especially during my competitive sporting days.  I have always been a very competitive person.  Even at school when the teachers would have our annual Beachball Volleyball Challenge I was happy to keep the score close but I never wanted to lose to the kids.  Last year we came very close to losing and I remember watching one of our young teachers cringe when the beachball came near and thinking...."Just hit the damn thing!  We're going to lose! That ball won't hurt you!"( to my credit I did not say this out loud!!)  I often got teased a little about my competitive spirit, however, I do believe I hid it well from the kids....at least I hope I did.  So many times I had the conversation with the kids that it wasn't important if you won or lost, but whether or not you had fun doing it.  Sometimes I felt a little hypocritical giving this pep talk because  my real philosophy always was that it's OK to want to win.....but you have to be able to lose as well.  Today I came across an interesting Sports Psychology writing that I clipped from somewhere and it struck me how much it paralleled what I am going through right now because really in many ways the past year has been a little like a sporting event.  In a sense I have viewed it as a contest I plan to win and as such have embraced some of the same things one does when training and preparing for a sporting competition.  You train, you practice, you focus, you try to eat well, you practice visualization etc. etc.  I will share it with you....you'll see what I mean.....

"This is the race of my life where I just felt like I was going to win.  You will never jinx yourself by thinking about winning before an event.  Thinking about winning is only a problem if you focus on it during the event.  That's because you cannot control winning.  If you could you would always win.  So when do you think about winning?  You think about it every day leading up to your event.  In training, in practice, even as you are falling asleep at night.  In fact, visualizing yourself winning is exactly what you should do.  But once the event starts you get into the NOW.  You're busy.  You're focussed.  You're concentrating.  You are completely absorbed in what you are doing.  Winning and performance will take care of itself!  Besides you've already programmed yourself for success."  

So my advice to myself.....stop focussing on the scan.....keep focussing on the program!  Not always easy to do but I'm going to try hard to do this over the next couple of weeks!  Focus on the program.....