I'll start and end the blog with visual reminders today.  Isn't he just the cutest.  Arrived in the mail from my friend Maureen.  Her son's girlfriend works with a lady who makes these adorable little bundles.  This little guy will be on my bedside table tonight as my visual reminder tomorrow morning.

Did some running around today.  First headed up to the Winter Club to settle my bill then wandered up to the fitness facility.  Holy smokearoos!!!  Everyone is starting their New Years resolutions early!  I don't think there was an empty machine in the entire fitness facility.  It was incredible!  I have always found January a little annoying because everyone jumps on the band wagon at once.  From experience I know it will only last 4-6 weeks and it's the same every year!!!   On the positive side the pitter off should start to happen about the time I'm cleared to get started!  Yahoo!!!

Last night we went out to Barry and Wendy's for our first dinner outing! It was such a treat.  As always an excellent meal.....always a treat to have dinner with these friends hosting.

Steady improvements each day.  I still have to pace myself and find myself in the family room chair for frequent rest breaks but I keep reminding myself I'm only two weeks out from surgery and I think I'm doing really well.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year.  Ring in the new!  May 2013 be full happy times!
Final reminder......White Rabbits.....probably the most important one of the year!!!

One more day in 2012!  I look back on the year and just shake my head.  In some ways it seemed to last forever, in others I can't believe a year has passed by.  I'm usually not one to have a lot of resolutions when welcoming the New Year but this year I will have a few things on my list.  For me the upcoming year will be a year to focus on regaining my health and vigour.  It will be a year to give thanks to all the wonderful people who have supported me over the past year.  What will that look like?  I have no idea!  It is a little overwhelming when I consider how many people are on my list but it will be my challenge to take advantage of each and every opportunity to acknowledge the wonderful things that have been done for me.  I want to take on at least one project and think I would like to investigate sponsoring a child in a third world country.  It is something I have thought about for a long time and 2013 will be the time for me to take action.  I want to spend time with my family and we are all looking to go to Africa next September to do a couple of Safaris and visit the gorillas in Uganda!  Bill and Kelli were there a few years back to climb Kilimanjaro and I have kicked myself for not going with them at the time.  Missing that trip was definitely the catalyst that prompted me to go to Nepal with Bill and Geoff and Lindsey a couple of years ago.  It meant I had to take a leave of absence from my job and I know there were a few parents at the school who were annoyed with me for that.  It is, however, something I am so glad I did.  If you love to travel you really should consider visiting countries such as Nepal.  It gives you such a great perspective on how well we live in Canada and makes you truly appreciate what we have.  I always love a trip to Hawaii or Mexico to relax and recharge but my true love is to travel to places that give you a totally different experience in terms of culture.  These trips are never relaxing but to me they are life altering and in a good way.

I just finished reading this month's edition of Chatelaine and loved the initiative they are promoting called the "Kind Cycle".  If you sign up to be a "kind agent" you commit to doing five random acts of kindness. The best part is when you join the kindness revolution at kindcycle.com the Lise Watier Foundation automatically donates $100 to the Canadian Women's Foundation in your name.  This money will be used to provide job workshops, shelter and leadership training to women who need a leg up.  It costs absolutely nothing!  Just five random acts of Kindness!  I think it's a fabulous project! Any takers out there???

So a second reminder!  Tomorrow is New Years Eve.  Have a blast!  And remember when the clock strikes 12 it's not "Happy New Year!"  It's "White Rabbits....Happy New Year!"  This one's going to be a tough one to remember I'm sure!  Your friends will all think you're nuts!!!!

A full day for sure and my first since the surgery where I was pretty much on the go all day.  We headed over to Kelli and Mike's this morning to help out with a few little things that come along with moving in.  Great to have a Dad who is also a handy man and loves to do it!  Got some pictures and a mirror hung and tackled the hardwood floors which needed some cleanup after the move in then wandered down the street to a neat little deli for lunch.  Finished there and went to look at some furniture.  The downside to moving into a bigger place is of course you don't have enough furniture to fill it and of course finding what you both like is next to impossible. Bill and I aren't very helpful because we have totally different ideas than Kelli and Mike and need to remind ourselves it's not our home!  Nobody tells us how to decorate our home, nor should we be honing in on their territory.  Easier said than done because it doesn't matter if your kid is ten or twenty-seven.  They are still your kid and you still feel it's your God given right to offer your sometimes unwelcome opinion on things just like this.    In any case we did a little looking around and then dropped Kelli off and headed back to our corner of the city.  Stopped and bought a wedding gift on the way home for a friend's daughter who is getting married in February.  I always try to get on these things sooner than later as I learned long ago if you wait til the last minute all the good gifts that are listed on the registry go quickly and you're left in a pickle as to what to buy.  No such problem today.  They wanted a Margaritaville!  Geoff and Lindsey have one and love it so it was a no brainer!  Nice when shopping goes so easy!  I think I might make it a conditional gift though and tell Keltie that when her Mom and I go to Gull Lake for our girls' golf weekends we get custody of the Margaritaville!  Seems fair to me!

Got home and bundled up and did the tennis court loop again.  Still a slow go but at least I'm doing it and was even thinking today that if the weather stays moderate I may have to head up to Nose Hill and get back to doing my loop there.  I'm pretty much limited to walking and maybe a little stationary bike stuff for six weeks as I am not allowed to lift anything over ten pounds.  Once the six weeks are done though I plan to get back to doing some yoga and will get back to going to the gym.  I was really enjoying my time at the Winter Club before my surgery and look forward to getting back into that routine.

Got back from my walk and decided that I was going to cook a decent dinner tonight.  Had everything ready to go and was making a basting sauce for my salmon.  Well to make a long story short I got things simmering on the stove and then went in search of my maple syrup.  I was having trouble finding it when I became aware there was smoke in the air.  Oh my goodness I had a huge smoke and fire thing going on in my frying pan.  The entire kitchen was full of clouds of smoke.  We had to turn on the fans and open the front doors to the house as well as the doors onto the deck to try to clear things out.  Honestly it was pretty bad!  Hopefully my last cooking disaster of 2012.  At least there was no company here tonight to view the spectacle although many of you have lived through these disasters over the years and I know you get a great laugh out of it at my expense!  I seem to have more than my share of these faux pas in the kitchen.....don't know why!  I could probably write a best seller on "Cooking Nightmares."

So time to sign off and revisit the dinner.  Another good day....another day of feeling just a little better than the day before....I have 21 days to be back to speed!

The doorbell just rang....there was my good friend Caroline with a batch of HOT cinnamon buns just out of the oven.  Thank you my friend....your efforts are sure to be a success on the "plump up Leslie" campaign.  There is only one small problem with all of this....Bill is plumping up too!!!

Just a quick note before I start the blog.  I have changed my cell number.  We decided to copy our kids and get rid of our land line so I have adopted the land line number as my cell number.  If you want to reach me please make a note that my cell number has changed from 669-2427 to 239-2702

Today was a pretty normal day.  Got up and actually took Boomer for his morning walk, again down to the tennis courts and back.  We ran into three coyotes on the way back which, fortunately, I spotted before my brave, stupid dog did and I managed to get him leashed.  I usually don't worry too much about a single coyote but groups of them are worrisome.  We have had many run ins with them over the years and knock on wood have never had anything serious happen.  A few close calls but fortunately, knock on wood, we always seem to dodge that bullet.  They are worrisome though. I had a friend I used to walk on the hill with who would point out various fields and say "that field cost me $500, that field cost me $800, etc.   His beagle used to take off like a bullet when he got a whiff of deer or coyote and would come limping back hours later chewed up within an inch of his life.  The coyotes always go for the rear of the dog and try to sever the dogs tendons in the back legs which incapacitate the dog.  Then they are easy prey.  Fortunately, the dog was never killed, but he came within inches of biting the big one more than once.  In typical dog fashion, he never learned his lesson and just pursued the coyotes with even more vigour, almost like he was angry for what they had done to him and he was going to show them.  I personally know of two cases in Edgemont where the coyotes have jumped into peoples back yards and killed their dogs.  They are very brazen!  On Wednesdays (garbage day in our community) I often see them roaming the streets around our house at night checking out the garbage bins and was even charged one night in a walkway.  I've never had that happen before.  Turned to run and fell flat on my face.

Had breakfast and then headed off to meet Marian for coffee.  My first solo outing with the car!  Felt like freedom!!!  We visited for three hours over a cup of coffee.  Bill just shakes his head.  He can't imagine how anyone can make a cup of coffee and a visit last three hours but Marian and I never lack for things to talk about.  Marian and I met back in my Cambrian Heights days and our kids are the same age.  We spent a lot of time together in those days and have always enjoyed each others company!  We share a similar warped sense of humour and can go months without talking and just pick up where we last left off!  The lunch crowd started to arrive which prompted us to give up our table.  Said our goodbyes and I headed off to Coop to pick up a few things before heading home.  Got home and the sun was shining so decided to do the "tennis court" walk once again.  No coyotes this time and Boomer so happy his walking pal is back!

I'm pretty much out of gas now and am sitting with my feet up.  Dug one of our frozen dinners out of the freezer!  What a bonus when there's stuff already cooked and all you need to do is heat it up.  That and the constant supply of desserts and goodies make mealtimes a breeze.  One of these days I'm going to have to get back to the business of cooking but the longer I'm away from it, the less I miss it.  Probably has a little bit to do with my lack of appetite.  Sometimes I would just love to feel hunger pangs!  Weird to know I'll probably never experience that sensation again.

In signing off it has occurred to me I should give each and every one of you your visual reminder for January 1st.....a particularly important "White Rabbit Day."  Fortunately, most of you will probably still be awake when January 1st arrives.  The challenge will be.....can you say "White Rabbits" before you say "Happy New Year" and give your sweetie a kiss!  We'll see!  I shall certainly do it!  It seems to be working for me!!!!!  PLLLLEEAASE.......remember!

Thanks Bob!  It's pretty graphic!

Two weeks today I was just coming out of surgery!  Even I am surprised at how good my recovery is going.  I looked outside this afternoon and thought to myself this is what winter should look like.  A bright, sunny, beautiful Alberta day!  If every winter day were like today I could almost come to love winter.  Picture perfect.  I decided today I was going to extend my walk.  I have been walking but so far the walks have been quite short.  Today I bundled up,  much to Boomers' total delight and we headed out.  I started out with the goal of going down the ravine to Rabbit Hill but by the time I got there I decided to go all the way to the tennis courts.  Did "the hill" on the way back and was amazed at how easy it was.  Definitely not a "brisk" pace but I loved every minute of it.  Ran into Jan and Clint doing their X-Country ski loop and thought to myself "I want to do that or go snow shoeing before the end of winter!  It's now on my list!  Thanks Jan!!!

Kelli was over yesterday and pulled my staples.  I think there were about thirty of them.  Felt so good to get them out and almost overnight the incisions look improved.  Tomorrow I have my first coffee date with my friend Marian.  Getting back on my feet is foremost in my mind as we are booked to go to Mexico with Jenifer and Gary in 25 sleeps!!!  Ole!!!!

 We have no plans for New Years this year!  I don't think we've ever had no plans at all.  I will miss seeing in the New Year with my cousin as this has become a huge tradition for us over the years.  We were booked to go to Whitefish where Trish and Gerry own a place but after thinking about it we decided the drive down and staying in a hotel were stresses I don't really need right now.  I know everyone would have loved to go skiing and I honestly would have been happy to veg but at the point we made this decision I really didn't know how I would be doing at that point in time.  Better to cancel.   There will be other chances to go.  So together Bill and I will give 2012 a good swift kick out the door and will welcome 2013 with hopeful hearts.  That is not to say by any stretch of the imagination 2012 was all bad.  It was chalk full of wonderful things intertwined with the challenges we had to face.  I am reading a book called "Thank You Power", a gift from my friend Rae.  It is such a good reminder to give thanks for all that is good in your life.  Basically the book stresses that if you want to be happy it is important to focus on what you've got-not what you've not.  "Reflect on your present blessings-of which every man has many-not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." (Charles Dickens)  So when I look back on 2012 I shall certainly remember my misfortunes but I will focus on the joys of the year.  A year where we welcomed Lindsey to our family, a year where Kelli was able to return to Calgary to do the majority of her electives thanks to her understanding program director and her supportive boyfriend, a trip to Mexico (feeding tube and all) to be at Geoff and Lindsey's beautiful wedding along with more than a hundred wonderful friends and family members, a fabulous trip to the Grand Canyon with friends Stu and Barb Patrick and Brian and Brenda Lenzin, another trip to Hawaii where we had some of the most amazing experiences of a lifetime including snorkelling with dolphins, manta rays and turtles and had time to spend with both Kelli and Mike and Maureen and Duane, Mike securing a job in Calgary and Kelli and Mike moving back to Calgary, Kelli completing her residency despite the challenges of being by my side throughout the year,  Geoff and Lindsey taking the trip of a lifetime to see the Seven Wonders of the World, Kelli being selected for the R3 Emergency Medicine Program, both Kelli and Geoff buying their FIRST new cars, and through all this I managed to have an esophajectomy (the biggest surgery the Foothills performs), 15 rounds of Chemotherapy where I did not, despite being told I would lose my hair, 5 weeks of radiation, numerous scans and a liver resection!  Phew.....I need to go have a nap after writing all that down.  It is a little overwhelming when you see it all on paper.  I know I say this over and over but I will continue to say it for the rest of my life.  None of these things would have been possible without the amazing support I have received from each and every friend and family member who has chosen to take this journey with me.  Some in big big ways, others in smaller, but still very meaningful ways.  You all mean the world to me.  A friend posted something on Facebook today that I loved.......I don't remember exactly how she said it but the gist of it was this.  "Christmas is not about the wrapped gifts under the tree.....it is about the arms that wrap themselves around you."  That statement really struck me!  I have had many arms wrapped around me.  I have had people believe in me and that in itself has given me such strength.  When I was first diagnosed, my friend Edie told me she'd bet on me if they told me I had NO chance of survival!   2012 may have been a challenging year but it has also been a year where I have learned much about myself, much about my family and friends and much about the power of believing in miracles.

A great day all round.  We started off around 9:30, a far cry from the days when the kids were little that's for sure.  Opened our stockings with coffee then had a great breakfast.  Bill got the bird stuffed and the girls looked after the other details.  I was sure I would have blogging material today but quite honestly the day went off without a hitch.  Probably one of the easiest Christmas Days ever from my perspective. I didn't even have to do clean up.   During the afternoon Dad, Geoff, Lindsey and Mike headed out for a bit and Kelli, Bill and I hung out.  It was a quiet day but I loved it!  We were all spoiled rotten on the gift front.  Above you can see a teary Kelli looking at the most amazing cookbook my friend Maureen created for her.  It is a collection of family recipes interspersed with our family photos and is truly amazing.  I know Maureen has worked on this project for almost a year and it was a gift of love and one that brought tears to all our eyes. Such a wonderful gift to collect a families favourite recipes and put them together in this way.  Thank you my friend!  You made our day!  Kathy called me from Gull Lake to thank me for my gift that brought tears to her eyes.  Kath is starting to consider retirement options and thinks she would like to work at the golf course during the summer months as a "cart tart".  I put together an outfit sure to garner her amazing tips.  Fortunately she agrees.  I will attach some photos of her in the outfit!  We had a good laugh over that one, that's for sure!  Pics are a little blurry but you get the idea!  She also has a little tip bank which is a pink piggy bank inscribed with "Tips for Tits."

The girls took Kathy's advice and used a tried and true McGillivray Family secret for amazing turkey gravy.  Grand Marnier......some for the cooks.....some for the gravy!!!

Thank you to my amazing family for making this one of those memorable Christmas times I was talking about the other day.  To have you all here was a gift in itself.

Again,  feeling a little better each day.  I notice it in little ways.  Had my shower this morning without propping myself against the shower wall and didn’t need to sit down as soon as I got out.  Finally got my GI tract behaving so expect to see the nausea disappear!  Won’t gross you out with details…….just to suffice to say “it’s a huge relief!”  ……literally!!!

Duane and Maureen showed up today with their cappuccino maker in hand to serve up the best darn lattees I have ever had (well since Maui)   Such a treat.  Amazing how much those small gestures mean so much.  Judy showed up with more goodies to help boost the "fatten up Leslie campaingne" so it's been a great morning so far.

I woke up this morning to rumbling guts and then the weirdest thing happened.  My stomach growled but as you know my anatomy has been altered and my stomach is now up in my chest.  Let me tell you how weird it is to have your stomach rumble in your chest!  I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that one before, at least not on the Richter scale it did this morning.

I lay there, wide awake,  thinking about Christmases past.  I was trying to think of my most memorable Christmas.  A few did stand out but possibly because those Christmases were so different than the norm.  It was more just incidents that had happened at Christmas over the years I found myself remembering.   I know as a kid we often celebrated Christmas with my cousins and it was always a big family dinner.   In fact it was pretty much the same dinner and still is each and every year.   I remember the year I got my first badminton racquet.  Most of you won’t appreciate this one but my fellow badminton friends will.  The racquet was a white, wood “Queen’s” racquet in a wood press.  I almost knocked the Christmas tree over that year checking it out.   My Dad has never been really big on Christmas.  His parents died when he was only five years old and he was basically raised in an English boarding school so childhood Christmases for him were never special.  He and Mom often took us skiing on Christmas Day.  The year I really remember was the year we skied Norquay and then had burgers for Christmas dinner in Banff.  This, I believe was Dads’ idea of how Christmas should be celebrated.  I remember the one and only Christmas Bill had to work Christmas Day.  One  Christmas  day in a 34 year police/shift work career isn’t bad but I was 7 months pregnant with Geoff and I remember sitting on the couch, alone in our house balling my eyes out.  To this day my heart goes out to those people who keep the system running and have to work Christmas Day, especially those with children.   Both my kids and their wife/partner are in such careers and we feel so fortunate that they are all off to spend Christmas with us this year.  These times are to be appreciated because you can bet they will be rare in the years to come. I think once Kelli and Geoff came onto the scene,  Christmas took on a whole new perspective.  I must confess I feel a little jealous of those friends of mine who have grandchildren.  To me a big part of the Christmas season is the kids.  I really missed the carolling and Christmas buildup that teachers get to experience each year.  I remember being about 10 and my little brother really wanted my Mom to “flame” the Christmas pudding.  Together they doused the pudding  with brandy at the Christmas table (perhaps a little to liberal with the booze), then lit it.   They wanted dessert to be”showy” and showy it was!   It flamed alright…..pudding, table cloth and all.  It’s amazing they didn’t burn down the house! I really think some of our favourite Christmases were spent out at my Mom and Dads’ place in Windermere.  I remember  going out to cut down the tree, sitting by the fire, skating on the lake, Bill and Geoff playing pickup hockey, skiing, and  Mom doing the cooking.  Those were pretty special times and I often wish we could do it all again.  Dad pretty much shuts the place down over the winter now so we haven’t done that since my Mom passed away eleven years ago.   A few years back we decided to change it up a bit and the four of us went to Mauii for Christmas.  I was always that person who thought Christmas had to be the same every year.  Same traditions, meals, snow,  Christmas tree, gifts etc. etc.  however I must confess that was one of the best Christmas experiences any of us have ever had.  We decorated a pineapple with a few ornaments, gave each other one small gift and had steak for Christmas dinner.  We spent the day on the beach snorkelling.   I’d do it again in a blink!

Anyways….I know I am rambling something awful but it has been fun wandering down memory lane.  This year should be fun too, although I won’t have my finger in the action as much as usual.  To be honest I have already received the best gift ever.  I am Cancer Free and hopefully will remain that way.  I am spending Christmas with the people I love.  I'm focussing on what's to come,  hoping that 2013 is going to be a year of rebuilding my health and getting back to a level where I can continue to pursue the things I love to do. Wishing you all the best Christmas Ever.

Now I’m going to be a brave, brave girl….put on my sorrels and winter wear and become my dogs best friend once again.  We are going to go for a walk!

Will not blog tomorrow.  Stay posted to hear how the Christmas dinner went!  Could be one of those stories that make great blog material!!!  Merry Christmas my friends.  Thanks for shouldering my load over the past year!  I have been truly blessed!

Thought this one was kind of cute.  Using this guide my elf nameI would be Tinker Super Plum and Bill is Nipper Pickle-pants.  I personally think Bill's elf name really suits him! ( It sure is a good thing he does not frequent this blob.)

Days continue to be quiet and I continue to be more than happy to stay indoors.  Have had lots of visitors which tends to pass the time nicely.  Can hardly believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  I have found it surprisingly easy to slip into the Christmas regime of eating Christmas goodies thanks to friends who have dropped off AMAZING baking!  Must confess my favourite is most definitely butter tarts.  I I tucked into the last of Caroline's cinnamon buns (before my first round of chemo I managed to gain almost 30 pounds on a steady diet of delicious gooey cinnamon buns)  Having said that I am not looking to gain 30 pounds, that's for sure.  It was just a couple of weeks ago I dropped my fat pants in the goodwill depot.  I couldn't stand the sight of them!

Not a lot to report today.  Each day I notice improvements, slow to be sure but definitely there.  I have to remind myself over and over that I need to be patient.  I saw that by next Friday they are predicting the end of this cold snap so my goal is to get outside and get back to the business of walking.  I must confess I have not been great at that since my surgery but know for sure it is the medicine that will get me up and feeling better.

I am not going to ramble tonight.  Hopefully each and every one of you is thoroughly wrapped up in the business of Christmas and family!  Love every minute!  It's over so fast!
Merry, Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Ahhh....got the date right today.  December 22, thirty four years ago.  5 PM at St. Cyprian's Church.  It was a cold day but nothing like today.  I actually remember going for a run around Confederation Park that morning.  Mostly went off without a glitch except for the fact I forgot to bring the rings.  Hmmmm.......not a good start that's for sure.


Now, here I sit looking at my 25th surprise anniversary gift, a blessing in disguise.  Not only is he a delight to own he helps us keep track of how many years we have been married.  25+9=34  So clever.

Another pretty quiet day.  Got up this morning and was happy to see the pain is starting to recede.  Still having issues with the nausea but it isn't a ton and hopefully will soon disappear completely.  Had breakfast and then decided I would coach Bill through the making of Jamaican Farewell a "special" holiday addition to the Christmas morning coffee.  Decided to have my nausea attack in the middle of these proceedings.....could be the smell of rum drifting my way but it pretty much did me in for a bit.  Gotta say he did do a pretty good job but cooks just like my Dad.  Every measurement is carefully measured and deliberate.  Not at all how I cook. I splish of this...a splash of that....none of this?  Ok I'll add this......too much of this, not enough of that....no problem....it'll be fine.  We did get through the process though.  He is a good student.

10 AM.....not a pretty sight!  Bring me the bowl!!!

Telling you about the Jamaican Farewell brings me to a very cute story.  A number of years ago I was sitting in the staffroom at school just before everyone was set loose for the holidays.  My friend Kim and her then little daughter Katie arrived to give me my Christmas present.  Katie sidled into the staff room with a big bag and said "Mrs Sherlock, Merry Christmas.....Adult slushies for you!."  I opened the bag and hooted.  A big bottle of rum and a freezer mix for margaritas.  One of my best student gifts ever!

I have not even poked my nose out the door since I got home on Wednesday.  Instead I am happy to whittle away the day reading or puttering on my computer.  Amazing how the day flies.  Not typical for me, that's for sure.  Hope everyone is staying warm.  Only 2 shopping days left for you procrastinators.

A few random shots of fabulous times we have had in the past few years!  Here's to more to come!!!

Well, the end of the world didn't happen as predicted!  Sure would have been pissed off if I'd gone through all of this and that had happened!

Oops, today not my anniversary!  Woke up and wished Bill happy anniversary and he snorted and said I was a day early!  Oh well, at least I didn't forget. Started the day out with a disguised glass of "prune juice".  Bill trying to trick me!

A busy day of visitors.  Started out with Dad, followed by Amber, Trish and Gerry, Kelli and Mike, Geoff and Lindsey and Terry and John! The kids got my Charlie Brown Tree fully loaded with our assortment of ornaments, many of which were gifts from students in years gone by.  I just sat on the couch like the queen bee and barked instructions.

Geoff, Lindsey and Mike all had to work tonight....guess work has been sooo busy right now.  Geoff cannot believe some of the calls he gets for an ambulance.  It is a shame people abuse the system as they do when there are so many people out there who truly need the services of the paramedics.

I have been spoiled all day by friends and family. Cookies from Amber, turkey soup and goodies from Terry and John, a fabulous Christmas centerpiece from Diane and Ross and cinnamon buns from Caroline! Geoff and Lindsey came by to decorate the tree and figured they had hit the jackpot, arriving just minutes after Caroline did her cinnamon bun drop!  Great timing guys!!!!   It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, that's for sure.

I am taking each day slowly.  I don't really feel like walking much so the cold weather is a good excuse to stay indoors in the cozy warmth.  Guess all the kids were freed from school today!  Time for everyone to get down to the business of some serious family time.  Take a moment to hug the one's you love and appreciate every single minute together! Slow the pace and breathe!!!

One week out from my surgery and I'm annoyed that I hurt!  Time to start practicing the patience thing. Abdominal surgery is no walk in the park though and I am sore.  The nausea has backed off today.  I was almost afraid to get out of bed this morning and stayed there until after 9 AM, something pretty much unheard of for me.  Pleasantly, other than a couple of mild bouts of queezies I have had a pretty good day.  Quiet for sure.  I basically read my book, napped and ate.  Geoff dropped by with a batch of chicken soup courtesy of Lindsey so lunch was taken care of and Maureen showed up with a Greek lasagne so Bill was off the hook for cooking tonight. The look of relief on his face was something to behold!  Thankyou Maureen.  You are an AMAZING friend and I hope you know how important you are to me.  Then an edible arrangement arrived from Brian and Brenda which is the most perfect of gifts.  A lot of foods have little appeal right now but fruit is one thing I seem to really enjoy.  Appetite is still not great but I ate better today than I have in a week.  Actually ate decent sized portions with no adverse effects.  Hopefully in a day or so I will start doing some slow walks.  Boomer sits and stays at me all day long with this look that says "What the heck is wrong with you?"  Makes me feel total guilty.  Having said that I will also say he is so affectionate and loyal right now spending his day laying beside my chair.  He's such a sweet dog.  Hasn't even pestered me with the ball although I'm sure he would be happy if someone would take out and toss a ball a few times tomorrow!

Kelli, Mike, Geoff and Lindsey are all coming over tomorrow to decorate our tree.  We'll get things Christmassed up her pretty quickly. I think our Christmas is going to be pretty quiet this year but full of gratitude.  Honestly, when I was diagnosed last December, I am pretty each of us wondered if that would be my last Christmas.  So I'm feeling like I'm clearing the hurdles one by one.  They have been big hurdles for sure but so far not insurmountable.  Maureen told me that she and he son Mark had decided I was a super hero who could dodge any bullet heading my way.  I like that thought!

Bill had to go for his doctors appointment today to get the results of his bloodwork etc.  He switched over to my doctor after this all started.  We became very aware that you really don't know how good your doctor is until something happens to you. Dr. Kao probably saved my life with her quick action, this I am convinced of.  I thought it was strange she called him in as I always just got the instruction that "No news is good news."  Only ever had to go back if there was something that showed up in the tests so I was a little taken back, and yes a little concerned when he got the call to come in.  Turns out she reviewed his tests and then wanted to talk about me.

I look forward to Christmas with a happy heart.  All my kids are off!  This is not always the case and although it will be quiet it will be one I think we will long remember.  I think of all the Christmas times I was so stressed by the time the 25th arrived.  This year I think I have finally come to terms with the fact....if it gets done great, if it doesn't no worries......Christmas will happen anyways.  To be surrounded by the people who love me and whom I love back with all my heart and soul is the best gift I could ever ask for.

Tomorrow is our 34th wedding anniversary!  What kind of crazies get married on December 22nd?  Bill and I of course!  And to make it even better it was the last day of school, before the break and I had to work!  Kelli keeps asking what we will be doing and I look at her and say nothing but enjoy each others company.  Not fit for dancing this year I'm afraid.......

My computer has been handed to me with the instructions...."It's your turn......"  I was very grateful Kelli took it over and actually had a couple of tears reading her posts today.  It's so funny how many people have said to me your daughter has learned so many lessons from you when truth be known it is I who have learned from her.  I have actually learned lessons from both my kids.  Geoff has always been my calm, no worries,, enjoy life kind of guy.  He really makes you realize that some of the things you get worked up over aren't worth the energy you put into them.  Kelli on the other hand is my worrier.  Kelli and Geoff look like siblings, they enjoy each others company, the share the same values but are very different people indeed.  As their parents it has always made mine and Bill's parenting experience very diverse!  Back to Kelli......it is she who has set examples for me through her growing up years.  Most of you know she was a highly involved badminton player, always the underdog mostly because of her small stature.  We always loved that saying "It's not the size of the dog in the fight.....it's the size of the fight in the dog."  I have some comical photographs I took of her over the years  of her standing beside her opponents who absolutely towered over her, outweighing her substantially.  She never worried about that.  I honestly don't think she ever thought it was a handicap.  The year she and her partner Marion got to the National Doubles Finals in Vancouver was epic.  The night before, one of the badminton Mom's was busy drawing up a betting pool on who would win each of the finals events the next day..  As it came around the table I was sitting there thinking to myself...."How do you bet on this one?"  Well, I did what any Mom would do....I put my money on my girls but I was the ONLY one who did.  The opposing team was a team to be reckoned  and were the clear cut favourites and to my knowledge our girls had never even come close to beating them.  As I walked alone to the club the morning of the finals I remember looking at a church along the way and saying out loud....."Please just don't let them be trounced and embarrassed!"  Well, to make a long story short our girls played the match of their lives and it was the most exciting match I have ever watched.  Unbelievably they won the Championship that year!  It was a sweet win! Going through school Kelli always had goals and she always followed through.  Her saying to me has always been "Mom I just don't ever want to settle....."  And settle she has not.  She figures out what her goals are and then she puts her heart and soul into them.  I have often wished I had had the same attitude and work ethic when I was her age.  Unlike her, I was often willing to settle and I sometimes just quit or didn't start because it was going to be too hard. In my youth I always thought I would like to be a vet.  I talked myself into believing I wasn't smart enough to do that.  I was never an ace at the sciences,  Instead I decided to pursue a phys ed degree not really because I wanted to teach but because I loved sports.  I actually had serious doubts that I even wanted to start a teaching career once I had completed my degree. I have NEVER seen her do that!  Having said that.....teaching PE has been a dream career for me.  I have met so many amazing, fantastic kids and their families.  It was challenging and fun and I do believe I was able to instill the love of activity in many of those kids.

Today was had so much to celebrate.  I was discharged from the hospital as was my lovely room mate. Kelli found out today that she has been accepted into the R3 program as an Emergency Medicine Resident next year.  This is a real accomplishment as many people were competing for 8 positions.  We are very proud of her for sure.

We packed up and left Edmonton around noon.  I was heaving and retching two blocks from the hospital.  Grabbed a bag from the back seat and managed to get an anti nausea pill down which settled me.  I didn't sleep but I literally kept my eyes closed for the entire three hour drive.  It was brutal.  The nausea is quite honestly the worst part.  It comes on rapidly, kills any desire to eat and hurts like heck at my incision site when I wretch.   I think the next week is going to be a week of laying very low.  We arrived home, walked into the house and there was the beautiful gift from Geoff and Lindsey!  A Christmas tree!  Now I had told you I was prepared for Christmas,  which isn't entirely true.  I do have my gifts bought and wrapped but there isn't a decoration in sight in our entire house!  Pretty sad.  My dear son and daughter in law took things into hand and bought me a tree and had it all set it up for my homecoming.  What a fabulous surprise and so typical of their generous spirits.  Dad dropped by.  It was great to see him but I didn't even get out of my chair.  I have been pretty immobile most of the day.  I have managed to eat reasonably well today and have so far dodged the nausea.  Hopefully I will soon see the end of it.  Poor Bill is back to his role as my care giver.  He came home, vacuumed, went and got groceries and my prescriptions, picked up Boomer from my friends' Gary and Jenifer, cooked supper and cleaned up.  He does this all with not even a hint of a complaint.  I am soooo lucky and although I am sore and a little beaten up I know I will recover and I know I have a fighting chance at beating this stupid disease!  In the hospital I was on the transplant unit, a far, far, far cry from unit 61 at the Foothills Hospital.  I'm sure I mentioned in previous blogs that while in the Foothills I was in a ward for a week,then a semi private I was billed for.  My room mate and I shared a common bathroom with our male neighbours.  The older gentleman constantly walked in on you when you were in there as there were no locks on the door.  In the three weeks there I did not see staff clean that bathroom thoroughly even once.  At the University Hospital we had our "private" bathroom cleaned twice a day.  Our floors were swept and washed on a daily basis.  You never had to ask for your bed to be changed.  The staff were pleasant and eager to help you. Even the gentleman who delivered your meals walked in and called you by name and took time to chat with you and see how your day had gone.   They were amazing!  My surgeon also was a wonderful man.  He talked to you, cared and was genuinely interested in your well being!  I am so glad I made the decision to go to Edmonton rather than to wait for the Calgary physician to make the decision as to what he was prepared to do for me.  When your doctor makes clear cut decisions, speaks in a forthright manner with no waffling or uncertainty it gives you such faith and confidence.

My roommate, Annee, was a lovely young woman, early thirties.  Again. as on my first surgery I was presented with the picture that yes, my situation isn't the most desirous, yes it has been a tough go, yes, there have been challenges but I'm not the worst off person around.  Annee spent 3 years in the hospital after her double lung transplant 5 or 6 years ago.  She is the young mother of a 9 year old girl and I could not believe what she has been through and still is facing.  I spent 6 days in the hospital this go round.....she's been there this time for a month, however, happily they sprung her as well today!   As we lay in our beds chatting we discovered that I knew her aunt (Denise Pike).....what a small world we live in!

Well, I know this blog has been a bit of a ramble tonight and it's certainly a little disjointed. Probably the result of surgery, meds and fatigue!   I think Kelli pretty much kept you posted on my hospital stay.  My recovery will come.  I plan to lay very low for awhile that's for sure.  To those of you who sent me messages in the hospital a great big thank you.  I know I often am bad at responding but you do need to know that each and every email I receive gives me a little boost up!  We never can have too many boosts!  I say this often but with the truest sincerity and I see no problem with being repetitive....I am truly blessed with a fabulous family and friends who go the extra mile.  I did not get to doing any Christmas cards this year and I should probably be sending out hundreds.  Just know I think of you all often with much love and gratitude.
Leslie

HOME TOMORROW!!!
Today was a great day.  Mom's looking better every single day.  Nausea is still there on and off and she tuckers out fast - but otherwise everything is good.  Mom and I had a fart party today - I did the victory dance while mom collapsed exhausted on the bed ahahah.  I think her room mate Annie thinks we are a little strange.   Mom's being discharged tomorrow -- woo hoo!!! The surgeon said 7 days and she did it in 6 - maybe she's just making up for her prolonged stay in March.  Anyway - home tomorrow and mom will be resuming her own blog.  Thank you to all you followers!  Although I have enjoyed blogging tremendously - I REALLY hope I won't get to do this again anytime soon!  Thank you all for the incredible support -- honestly -- you put hope in our hearts!

A short blog tonight because I am tired and feeling uninspired.
Not much to report… Nausea persists, bowels still not moving...but otherwise doing ok.  Hoping tomorrow is going to be the day where she turns the corner!  Once the nausea settles and she can start eating she can go home!  The surgeon came by today - reports that everything is going well.  Liver function is already back to normal - what a phenomenal organ - i still can't wrap my head around how it regenerates!

A big thank you to my Aunti Joanne and Uncle Dick and my cousins for sharing their home with my dad and I this past week.  It's Christmas - and exam time - but they have been incredible hosts.  They have been great company, great support and have been taking very good care of us.  For whatever reason we haven't been super close to them over the years - but this past year I really feel like my family has grown.  I'm grateful.  My Uncle Dick in particular has been my mom's guardian angel - and we will never be able to thank him enough.  

Another big thank you to my dear friend Andy.  It's Christmas so family has been trickling home for the holidays. Tonight my Aunt, Uncle and cousin arrived - turning my other Aunt and Uncle's place into a hotel!  My friend Andy graciously offered up his apartment to my dad and I!  Thank you Andy - I know a whole bunch of people are going to sleep better because of it.  I owe you big time -- I promise to chase spectators off the putting green when you marry my best friend Ashley next fall!!  Until tomorrow...

Kelli

Things continue to go quite well.  Mom had almost all of her tubes pulled today except for her peripheral IV's.  She was up and walking and even got a shower today!  We are really just waiting on a fart... This has never been a problem for mom in the past (sorry mom)! So why now?!?! ahahha.  Maybe all those times she was blaming Boomer she wasn't lying! This is pay back for all the times I've been exposed on your blog! I'm kidddddinnng.  But honestly - we're waiting for the green light to start eating and she can't do this until she lets one rip!  Mom's lost quite a bit of weight in the last 6 months and can't afford to drop too much more - so we're all anxious for this next step.  Hopefully tomorrow...

Not much else to report from a surgical point of view... so i'm going to take this time to give a little tribute to mom (because I know she'll be reading this in a few days).  In the last year I've spent a lot of time sitting and waiting while mom's been in surgery, in chemo or radiation sessions and recovering in hospital.  I've made it to most her doctors appointments with radiation oncologists, medical oncologists, thoracic surgeons and liver surgeons.  I've had my claws in her care since day one. Mom is always trying to talk me out of everything "don't move back to Calgary," "don't come home for the surgery," "don't come up till the end of the week," "you don't need to come to this appointment," "everything's finnnnee...really." Sometimes I feel a bit overbearing - and I wonder what other people must think about my escort service.  The truth is --- I don't want to be anywhere else...  

When I think back over my life my mom has been present for every single moment of significance - good and bad.  The things I wish I could share are those moments unique to a mom and daughter....there's a lot of them.  She's been my biggest fan, my friend, my support, at times - my rival, my teacher, my partner, my side-kick and my inspiration.  I remember one time this summer riding along in the golf cart, mom looked at me and said, "we're lucky you know, not all mothers and daughters are this close."  I do feel lucky. So lucky. She has been there literally and figuratively my entire life.  She has either been part of my many adventures or always there to drop me off and pick me - I always look forward to her smiling face at the airport.   The countless number of badminton tournaments we attended together - celebrating my victories and pep talking me through my tears.  I specifically remember being distracted by her outragous cheering during my national doubles final in Vancouver! She has been the proud and exuberant mom at my graduation(s). She's picked up the pieces when I've had my heart broken.  She kicks me in the butt when I need it most.  She was the first person I called when I got a medical school interview - and her and my dad called me in Ghana the day I was accepted!  She bought me my first stethoscope and even made me a mother survival-package when I finally moved out of home.  It's of course the big moments but also importantly the small moments - the cups of tea, a new pair of pyjamas, pedicures, chick flicks, sunday dinners, reliable phone calls and emails, left-overs, and my mom's intuition...

Last week I went over to my parent's place for a cooking lesson.  Hanging on the front door was some junk mail  - in big bold letters it read "Need Joy?!"  I jokingly brought it in the house and said to mom "Need joy?!" - she laughed and said - "my joy has arrived."  Mom's love and enthusiasm for my life has filled it with worth, building my sense of self and has made me who I am.  She's been my shoulder, my back-bone, my conscience and the beat in my heart for my entire life.  So - during this incredibly difficult year - I ask, why would I be anywhere else than at her side?!?!  I can certainly guarantee that if our situations were reversed she would be doing the exact same thing!!

Love you mom.

A new woman this morning.
We showed up this morning to find mom perched on the side of her bed - hair brushed, teeth cleaned and dare I say - perky. The nausea was significantly better today. Holy can this woman bounce...man, she continues to blow my mind every single day.  She is the world's toughest - and i'm not just saying that!  Today, mom used ZERO pain medication...ZERO.  How is that even possible???  She had her belly opened in two directions and a massive chunk of liver removed...mind over matter???  Mom was even up for a few walks today - pushing her pole, eyes forward, brow furrowed in determination!

Mom's sense of humour isn't broken.  Over the past couple of days we've shared many a chuckle.  In fact, the first thing mom whispered after waking up from surgery...in a very serious tone was... "Did they do the renovations???"  Today mom's nurse came in to check on her and asked "did you go for a walk?" - mom smiled proudly and answered "yes! now i'm working on a fart!"  It didn't happen today - but we're hoping for a fart party tomorrow!

In all seriousness - mom's doing great.  Tomorrow they are going to start pulling tubes and will allow her to start to eat again!  I know in my heart she will be home for Christmas!  It's going to be the most amazing Christmas ever!

A bit of a rougher day today...
The ongoing battle with nausea continues.  This obstacle was somewhat foreseen as she had the same issues with narcotics with her previous surgery.  Unfortunately it's a bit of a vicious cycle - pain meds lead to nausea, nausea leads to using less pain meds, less pain meds leads to pain...and so it goes on.  In an entire day mom hit her "pain button" 3 times - that's 3 mini doses of fentanyl.  Technically she is allowed/expected to hit the button as much as every six minutes - so that gives you some perspective.  Unfortunately she was STILL nauseous and then on top of it had pain.   At this time there isn't a heck of a lot they can do but to just wait and ride it out.  Geoff and Linds drove down from Calgary this afternoon.  They always have a way of putting a smile on mom's face.  I know she was incredibly glad to see them both!  Around 7 tonight she kicked us all out and sent us out for dinner.  Hopefully she gets some rest tonight - we're hoping tomorrow has a bit more comfort in store.

While sitting around with mom today I got to thinking... this year there has been a lot of bad news and A LOT of challenges.  The initial devastating diagnosis of esophageal cancer followed by 5 weeks of chemotherapy and daily radiation. A radical esophagectomy --- mom has a way of downplaying her surgeries, but really what they did was remove her entire esophagus, pull her stomach up into her chest and attached it to the back of her throat.  Her surgery was complicated by vocal cord paralysis – resulting in difficulties swallowing and the initial loss of her voice. Then the unthinkable... the cancer spread throughout her chest and to her liver - making it incurable.  What followed was nine more rounds of IV chemotherapy and a daily chemo pill.   

BUT - in a year fraught with devastation we have also had so SO many incredible days and even some good news.  I can’t believe how much "good" we've managed to squeeze in: New Years with our cousins in Whitefish on the ski hill.  Two mother-daughter weekends in Vancouver.  Geoff and Lindsey’s wedding in Mexico – which mom attended 6 weeks post op!  The Ride to Conquer Cancer with Leslie’s triumphant Honey Badgers.  An amazing summer in Windermere packed with sun, golf, beach time and daily happy hour! Mom and dad’s 3-week road trip to the Grand Canyon with amazing stops along the way.  Mom was the recipient of her own Terry Fox Award.  Two weeks on the Big Island in Hawaii with Mike and I - we boogie boarded, did a night snorkel with Manta Rays and swam with hundreds of dolphins.   A week in Maui with mom’s friends Maureen and Duane -  they swam with dozens of giant turtles and biked down the volcano!  The highlight of the year however was just recently when we received news that mom’s cancer has responded in a very unusual way to the chemotherapy and that she was a candidate for a potentially curable resection of her liver tumour.

The above feats may sound normal or typical to the average person – but in the context of our year, nothing but overwhelming gratitude has accompanied each of these events. There was a time we weren’t sure if mom would ever eat or drink by mouth again – she was on a feeding tube for 3 months.  We wondered if we would ever share a latte at Artigianos again or if she would ever have people over for dinner again.  There was a time we thought we would never hear her laugh again.  There was a time we thought she may not speak up in a crowd again.  There was a time we thought she most definitely would never swim, let alone snorkel, ever again.  There was a time we wondered if she would be able to walk on Nose Hill with Boomer, ride a bike or jog.  She has done them all...some with grace and some with scrappy tenacity.   Call me a pessimist – but I’m not too proud to say I've been wrong.  Since the get go mom has set out to “beat the odds” – and this is exactly what she’s already done time and time again.   Do I sound like a proud daughter or what??!? ahahah. Until tomorrow....

Kelli here -- I'm honoured to have been handed the blog torch for the week!  I have to admit I've been looking forward to it! At the same time, anytime I get to fill in on the blog it means mom must be in pretty rough shape.  Incidentally today marks the one-year anniversary of my mom’s diagnosis of esophageal cancer.  I remember the phone call I received in Vancouver last year as I was heading out the door to my residency Christmas party. When my mom told me the news my world stopped.  Every tomorrow disappeared.   I couldn’t remember much about esophageal cancer from my medical school lectures – but I did remember that in 90% of cases by the time the cancer was diagnosed it was already very advanced.

I'll cut to the chase because I know a lot of you are sitting on the edges of your seats....

Mom's surgery went very well.  We were at the hospital by 5am.  It was a bit of a rocky start when the pre op nurse insisted mom remove her Christmas pedicure that we just got THIS week - I was major annoyed. She was whisked off to the OR at 7:30am.  Made it to recovery by 12pm and then to the ward by 2pm.  

The surgeon was very happy with the results of the surgery.  Mom was supposed to have the entire right side of her liver removed -- but she had a bit of white rabbit luck today.  Turns out she had an accessory hepatic vein supplying the inferior portion of her right liver. Because of this he was able to salvage that 1/4 of the liver and only had to remove 1/4 in total.  He was happy with the tumour margins (by the naked eye anyway - the pathology report will have the final say).  Most importantly he did not see ANY other cancer.  Our worst fear was that she would be opened up and other small flecks of cancer, that were not apparent on the scan, would be visible by the naked eye.   We were warned that if that was the case they would close up and no surgery would be performed.  Thank goodness that didn't happen.  

Mom is being her typical stubborn self.  She declined the nasogastric tube which is used to decompress the stomach after surgery to help with post op nausea.  She had one of these tubes for nearly 3 weeks during her last hospital stay and I think it was a pretty traumatic experience for her.  Honestly I think  this go around she was more afraid of this particular tube than the surgery itself!  In any case - she did have some pretty severe nausea today - but that's typical for her with just about any narcotic.  She doesn't tolerate narcotics well and despite aggressive anti-nausea management it's almost impossible to avoid.

Our experience today was a stark contrast to our experience at the Foothills back in March.  Instead of being cramped into a 4 person room with a communal bathroom for 8, mom has her own private room. Instead of being squeezed onto a general surgery ward where care was much more depersonalized - she's on the transplant ward and her nurses are great! During mom's last three week admission we saw her surgeon twice - today we saw her surgeon three times in one day! He's great - he's well known and respected in his field but he's also, importantly, kind.  I know this stuff sounds trivial but the impact of these small details should not be underestimated.   

So....... what a way to celebrate a one year anniversary -  it certainly has been a year to remember.  As all of you blog followers already know when mom was diagnosed with cancer she got BUSY living.   She barely skipped a beat.  She adopted an attitude that she would do everything she could to fight this terrible disease and anything out of her control wasn’t worth worrying about. I am learning SO much from my mom every single day. I have learned courage, toughness, and the incredible power of a positive attitude.  I have learned the importance of physical fitness despite physical capabilities. I have learned and witnessed the true unremitting gifts of friendship. I have learned that life is most definitely WORTH living, despite unbearable struggles and the terrible things that happen to good people.   I have learned how to be a better doctor and importantly the limitations of our knowledge of medicine. I have learned how important it is to adapt when life brings unexpected challenges – that redefining your expectations can take you a very long way. I have learned what marriage means – what unconditional love looks like  – modelled by my most amazing parents. I have learned not to take the ones we love for granted – and I’m not just talking about my mom. 

Well.... i'm signing off for tonight - I will be posting again tomorrow!  Thank you to EVERYONE for the enormous outpouring of support.  From our individual friends, family friends and even strangers - your thoughts, prayers, personal stories and words of encouragement have carried us through.