Just a friendly reminder from mom herself - WHITE RABBITS TOMORROW!!!! Mom is counting on your luck this month - we all are. Please don't forget!  I took mom's white rabbits in to her tonight so that she would see them when she wakes up tomorrow...that's assuming she sleeps.  Poor mom is absolutely EXHAUSTED - as exhausted as I think is humanely possible.  She is finding her bed in the hospital very uncomfortable.  With all the wires, tubes and drains combined with the discomfort from the surgery she is not getting much (or any) sleep.  She finds the nights very very long.  Tonight we joined her in the evening for the first time (other days she's sent us home at dinner).  We figured it might help pass the time a little and keep her up a little later so she wouldn't be wide awake at 1 in the morning.  We tried to watch a movie but we only lasted 11 minutes!  

Overall today was another "good" day.  If mom saw me write "good" she would probably roll her eyes.   This has been a very unpleasant experience to say the least - mom said she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy. That being said she remains strong.  Today she did 12 laps of the ward - TWELVE!  The physio therapist today said she's walked more than any other patient she's seen considering she's only four days out.  She's very very determined.  The air leak in her lung sealed off today too and her chest tubes are all draining less gunk.  Hopefully by early this week she can have some of them removed.  The nurse today said she can probably move into a new room on Monday or Tuesday as well.   A few more days of this and things should start to turn around.    It is so so so difficult to see my mom go through this - her spirit is so apparent but none of this seems even the slightest bit right.  I have moments where I just stop and think, "how did we get here?" - but no time for self pity - there's work to be done... breathing exercises to do, walks to accomplish, a wedding to attend...

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow." 

DON'T FORGET

My mom is a trooper...

The day started off a little bit interesting this morning.  Dad and I arrived at 11 to visit (the earliest we're allowed) and mom glared menacingly at us, "where were you guys?!" I was confused and explained to her we weren't allowed to come before 11am.  She glanced around suspiciously "you weren't hiding behind the curtain?"  Ummmmm noooo mom....  "I think I'm hallucinating - I'm quite paranoid."   Once I reassured her we had just arrived she seemed to snap back to reality.  The pain medications, which are working very well, are also causing her some minor troubles.  The pain doctor visited shortly after and we all agreed that things seemed to be working well and we'll just watch and wait.  We spent most of the day with her today and she was completely with it.  

SIX laps today (each about 250ft) - and one of the rounds was 2 laps in a row!  She's doing great - considering she's only three days out today...

She is one heck of a determined patient as we all knew she would be.  While the other three patients in her room sleep, she is up sitting in the chair and trying to cough and clear her lungs as much as she can.  Mom's cough is a little weak - but everyday it gets a little stronger.  She has a very aggressive physio therapist that comes in to beat (quite literally) on her chest to help loosen the mucous that she can't cough up.  Right now she has a leak in her left lung with some air in it and half of her right lung is filled with fluid - all to be expected with this surgery.  Nonetheless she is compensating really well - her oxygen saturations are just fine.  I'm pretty sure my mom could live on one lung if she had to!  

It's a very small world at the hospital.  One of her nurses was my camp counsellor for 4 years, one of her physios was my classmate in Kinesiology at UofC and a member of the Winter Club, the anesthesia resident went to high school with Geoff and today the chronic pain doctor was good friends with my mom's friend and teaching partner Rebecca.  It is kind of nice because you feel just that extra small connection might be an incentive for those people to care just a little more.  For the most part mom is getting good care - she of course has her favourite nurses and physios and others she's not quite as fond of.  She's really looking forward to moving into her own room.  Today she came off the oxygen which is a good first start. Once some of her other tubes get pulled she'll be able to move rooms.  Right now she has a nasogastric tube, a neck drain, 2 chest tubes, an abdomen drain and a j-tube - it's quite the process to pick them all up and walk around the ward.

Progress is slow - but everyday she gets a little bit better.  Hopefully she has a good weekend...

Come monday they will likely do a swallowing test and if all goes well they will likely pull the nasogastric tube and try her swallowing some clear fluids.  Poor mom has had NOTHING to eat or drink since last Sunday night.  She says she doesn't have any appetite but she is quite thirsty.  She says swallowing feels the same which I think she is happy about.  I think she'll be happy to have shed some of the pounds she had to put on since Christmas.  As much as she joked about the weight gain I do think it really bothered her.  She likes to be fit and I don't think her body quite felt like her own these last few months....plus - this puts her one step closer to a fabulous bikini body for Mexico ;) ahah.

Have a good weekend everyone - will continue to post.

Another day another step forward...
Progress is slow but steady.  Mom was up and moving again today!  She did a lap of the ward 3 times today! It is HARD work for her - she puffs along, pushing her IV pole, staring straight ahead with absolute determination.  I walk beside her quietly and wonder what she's thinking...she's one tough woman.  We joked today that Dr. Doom and Gloom the radiation oncologist would finally be satisfied as she's not exactly feeling "perky."  That being said, she is doing well and we are all so proud of her. This was a HUGE surgery and it will take time for things to heal up.  As much as she would love to push that IV pole right off the ward --- it's gonna be a little while yet.  This afternoon she had a very vivid dream that I was transporting her to Seattle to perform surgery on her - she was all set to go...I can't believe she was actually going to let me do that! hahah.   Anyway - not much else to report - one day at a time.  Right now her days are a cycle of waking up, doing breathing exercises, walks, changing bandages, cat naps and repeat.

Just a little note - mom is still in the high monitoring area of the ward where she doesn't have her own room.  She is only allowed minimal "extra belongings" so we request that no more flowers be sent to the hospital just yet.  Once she has her own room i'll let everyone know.  Thanks again for your positive thoughts.

Post op day number 1 and mom is doing alright.  She is completely with it, still has very little discomfort but is quite exhausted.  She's in a shared room with 3 other people because she needs to be closely monitored - so she's getting very interrupted rest.  They had her up and walking today - 60 feet - and she was pooped - but she did it.  This is going to be a long and tough road but she's determined.  We visited her several times today but only for short periods of time because she needed her rest.  Everyday will get a little better...

Today while dad and I were having coffee in the cafeteria a white rabbit hopped up to the window - straight from the parking lot...a sign???  Mom wants me to remind everyone April 1st is coming up...don't forget WHITE RABBITS!!!

Here's the white rabbit we saw!

Hi to my mom's online followers - I feel incredibly privileged to have been passed this torch...man those are some big shoes to fill.  I'll cut to the chase as I know waiting isn't any fun...

My mom's surgery went very well today.  It took nearly 8 hours and we were all biting our nails the entire time.  The surgeon called shortly after 4pm to tell us that everything had gone well...no complications.  She woke up easily after surgery and was transferred up to the ward by 7pm.  When we saw her she looked a little beat up (or a lot) but was having NO pain.  She has a PCA pump - which allows her to press a button and have pain medication delivered straight to her vein AND an epidural for pain relief directly to the upper part of her chest.  She was a bit nauseated but otherwise felt ok.  She was totally with it, gave us a two thumbs up and was cracking jokes - she even asked for a glass of wine.  The physiotherapists arrived within 15 minutes of settling on the ward.  Mom's eyes were huge in disbelief - exercises?? already?? They had her sitting up, taking deep breaths and coughing -- and as we were leaving tonight she whispered to me "those physio exercises aren't very funny anymore!"  She did fantastic - for those of you familiar with incentive spirometry - she blew her baseline already!  We are all so proud of her.   

Over the past couple months I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about life - and death.  That big ugly 6 letter C-word makes you look your own mortality in the face and wonder - what is the point??  Slowly over time I have come to a very important realization.  Mom has devoted her life to her family, her friends, her students - she has touched so many lives and has inspired so many people young and old. She is kind, compassionate, reliable and she leads by example.  My mom has been a steadfast constant in my life and has truly never let me down.  It has occurred to me that the measure of her life has been defined by your gestures small and grand during this incredibly difficult time.   The measure of her life is in the cards on our piano - the cinnamon buns, soups, casseroles in our freezer - the lovingly hand crafted photoalbum on our kitchen counter, the pooh pillow on her bed, the dragon poster on the wall, the endless number of trinkets and toys – hats, stuffed animals, sweatshirts, livestrong t-shirt – the ambitious bikers and the donations, the hundreds of emails that have filtered through her inbox and the 9485 views of her blog since January.   Among all the anger, pain and confusion of this difficult “bother” – In my mind the purpose of life somehow made itself a whole lot more clear.  

I will be signing back on tomorrow with more updates!  Keep those positive thoughts coming...

Thank you to the Lenzins for the incredible power of white rabbit luck this morning - I could not believe this gift it was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem." - Christopher Robin to Pooh

Tomorrow is it!  Had a busy morning doing pre op stuff.  Blood work, met  with anaesthetist and talked to physio.  Took about three hours to complete all of that.  The physio walked me through my "exercises" for post surgery.  There I was with Kelli on one side of me and Bill across the table and the lady is having me turn my head from side to side, and forward and back, shrug my shoulders, wiggle my toes, etc.  All of a sudden it all seemed really funny.  I found myself ready to burst into giggles.  Not that I found it funny!  I think I was totally stressed out and all of a sudden I had a vision of what my workouts are going to look like for the next little while.  The first day I get out of bed and walk on the spot!  Fortunately, I was able to stiffle the giggle and made a concerted effort to not look at Bill or Kelli as I was pretty sure this would push me over the edge.  Bill caught it though and commented later on my near loss of control!  She was such a nice lady and I would have felt awful if I had lost it.  Reminded me of when I went to prenatal classes and then when I was in actual labour I couldn't remember any of the breathing exercises and Bill commented that perhaps I should have take it more seriously than I had.  I used to always laugh when I was really stressed out but have learned to control it with time.  Once when Geoff was a baby he drank Head and Shoulders shampoo (which is poisonous). I rushed him to emergency at the Foothills Hospital where they took him into a room to pump his stomach.  I was standing outside the room listening to this poor baby screaming and I did the unthinkable....I laughed.  A nurse walked by and asked if I was OK and I answered oh yes....my baby was just having his stomach pumped.  She looked at me thoughtfully and said "I see."  I haven't had this problem for years but for some reason it surfaced again today.
Been watching the flights in from LA today and so far so good.  Air Canada employees seem to be behaving so I am thinking my doctor will be there tomorrow morning.  I have to be at the Foothills at 5:30 AM and my surgery is scheduled for 7:30 AM.  Yikes....the whole family wants to come with me but only one can come into the pre op area so I cannot see the sense of them all getting up and traipsing along with me.  Instead I have asked Geoff to come over and take Boomer out and feed him and then he and Lindsey can meet Bill and Kelli for breakfast.  This is a real help to us as we won't have to worry about dog stuff in the morning.  Kind of like having a toddler in the house!

This will be my last message for a bit.  I have had so many messages from friends and family today, flowers from my dear friend and teaching partner, Rebecca and a thoughtful little package from another teaching friend, Laurie, a visit with my cousin Trish and her husband Gerry.......I am psyched and ready!  You have all been a tremendous support system to me.  I honestly do not believe I could have maintained my positive attitude without each of you who have supported me.  Stay tuned for blogs by Kelli for awhile.  She will keep you all posted on my progress.......Love you all!!
Leslie

White Rabbit Reminder for April 1st!!!  Don't be a Fool!

I know I am starting the nag thing a little early but I only have one more day to write in the blog before passing the reins over to Kelli.  Thought you might enjoy seeing my growing "herd" of white bunnies!

Isabelle now has a companion rabbit so far unnamed!  Any suggestions?

Had a wonderful day today.  So far I am hitting all the wedding events!  It was Lindsey's bridal shower today.  A good family friend hosted it along with the help of Lindsey's three bridesmaids.  It was one of the nicest showers I have attended.  A good chance to meet some of the people who will be down in Mexico in (gulp) 39 days!!!  I feel so lucky to be getting Lindsey for a daughter in law!  I told her today that if I lived in a culture that believed in arranged marriages, I would choose her for Geoff!  

Tomorrow we head over to the Foothills for the preop stuff.  No solid food after tonight!  Clear fluids only....but happily black coffee is considered a clear fluid!  Thank goodness for that! My cousin, Trish is coming over tomorrow afternoon to spend the afternoon with me which I always love.  Then Kelli and I will put the finishing touches on the wedding video.  I had thought I would work on it while convalescing but on further thought decided I would be happier if it were finished ahead of time so I'm not stressing over getting it finished.  

I would like to ask people not to come and visit me at the hospital.  Kelli will keep you posted on the blog as to how I am doing. After listening to Dr. Gelfand's description of my surgery and what I will wake up to I am pretty sure I will not be very sociable for the first little bit!  A strange concept for me that's for sure!  Thanks for your support and care!  I have had so many emails over the past couple of days from people wishing me luck, sending me positive energy and prayers and promising to remember their White Rabbits on April 1st.  How can my surgery be anything but successful with all these positive vibes in the atmosphere being sent my way!!!

I can hardly believe that I am three days out from my surgery.  I am getting quite anxious and just a little snappy!  Keeping busy works but you can only be busy so many hours in a day.  On the plus side I think my hair loss has been curtailed.  Not sure if it just happened or is the result of all the products I have been applying to my head!  Whatever it is, I even decided to go and get a haircut today!  Gotta look good for the big day, right?  Didn't want to go into it looking like the Sheepa Doodles I saw on Nose Hill today! Have had a steady stream of emails from friends on their way to warmer places.  Jamaica, Hawaii, Mexico.....etc.  I'm even envious of Rebecca who has gone to Edmonton for heaven's sake!!!  In years past Bill and I often headed off during spring break.  Last year, we too were in Hawaii!

Enjoyed my weekend in Vancouver with Kelli.....and speaking of hair products, I came pretty close to having them confiscated on Friday.  I decided to take only carry on luggage but totally forgot the rule about liquids.  My little bag went into the scanner, came out of the scanner, went in again, out again.....I'm sitting there thinking "oh great here we go again" because I ALWAYS, and I do mean always get searched. …often frisked..... Finally the question...."Who does this bag belong to?"  I acknowledged it was mine and was instructed to come over to the side and open it for inspection.  This is when the light went on and I realized my cosmetic bag was in my carry on.  I unzipped the suitcase and the customs agent immediately pounced upon it.  He unzipped it and there was the culprit!  A new, unopened tube of crest toothpaste!  I probably should have been arrested but instead had my toothpaste confiscated and was instructed to put the smaller containers into a zip lock bag.  I was shaking my head because I have done enough travelling that I should know better.  Onto the plane I got,  short my toothpaste and was about half way to Vancouver when I sat up in my chair and thought....."Oh my goodness!  I should have had my hair loss products seized too.....(remember those expensive products I bought awhile back that promised to curtail hair loss!?)  Fortunately for me,  once he discovered the toothpaste he did not dig further or he would have really hit the jackpot!  Lucky me!  Lesson learned.....I  checked my bag on the way home!

FRIENDS are like panties... 

Some crawl up your butt. 

Some snap under pressure. 

Some don't have the strength to hold you up. 

Some get a little twisted. 

Some are your favorite. 

Some are holy. 

Some are cheap. 

Some are naughty. 

And some actually cover your butt when you need them to. 

Just thought I would share a little humour before I get started today! Thought this was kind of cute although all of my friends are wonderful so this really doesn't apply to any of you. Just thought I'd share it though because it made me laugh. Today I want to focus on being grateful. I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am to everyone who has supported me on this journey. I have learned so much from all of you on how to be a friend, on how to provide support, on how to make a difficult situation bearable. So many of you have told me you you admire my positivity, however to tell you the truth it is you, my friends, who bring this out in me. I am amazed at the things people have done for me. I have even thought I should write a book of suggestions on how to support someone going through a difficult spell. Of course, I would be stealing your ideas. I am also grateful to those of you who have supported my family. Yes, I am the one with the cancer, but my family has been hugely impacted as well. I know they appreciate your emails, your phone calls, and your offers to take them out for a beer or coffee. Many of you have sponsored Bill, Geoff or Lindsey on the Ride to Conquer Cancer and some of you have even joined the Honey Badgers for the two day ride! As a family we want to thank each and every one of you for all you have done. We appreciate your phone calls, your emails, your gifts, your delicious meals, your cards and acts of kindness. You have made a difference! THANKYOU......

A trip down Memory Lane today! It was awesome! Maureen and I drove to Cochrane and had lunch with our old friend Vicki. The three of us have known each other since grade 7! Maureen and I have stayed in touch over the years but Vicki and her husband Dan followed their dream and bought a property out near Cremona where they raised their boys and enjoyed their horses and dogs! Vicki and I used to spend hours riding our horses all over Nose Hill when we were kids. Although we have exchanged letters at Christmas over the years we have not seen each other in over 25 years! She was a bridesmaid in my wedding party! Anyways...we went out to a little coffee shop called Guys Bakery and Coffee Shop (If you have not tried it you should). As we were walking into the restaurant I said to Maureen this is either going to be really weird or it's going to be awesome. It was so AWESOME! We picked right up and had a fabulous visit that turned into a four hour lunch with the promise that we would do it again some time after my surgery. Hopefully we won't wait another 25 years! I love these little distractions. They totally make me forget about what is coming down the tube for me in very short order. I have had many chuckles today with the number of people who have been forwarding me "Pooh Power!"....very clever. I like it! Thank you!

A full day with lots of information overload. Had appointments with both the chemotherapy oncologist and the surgeon today! Started with the oncologist first thing this morning. He was very positive and said that my response to the chemo/radiation was one of the best he had ever seen for esophageal cancer. The tumour is basically inert. There were two questionable lymph nodes that were questionable. He said that sometimes lymph nodes are reactive to treatment and he was going with that theory and was truly not concerned by them. I was a little concerned myself and would have preferred him to say there were no areas of concern! Things are never that simple though I'm learning. Take the good with the bad. Anyways...we left that appointment feeling guardedly optimistic. Came home, had a workout, took Boomer for his walk and then back over to the Foothills to meet with the surgeon. He too was very happy with the PET results. As for the questionable lymph nodes they are in the surgical field so he will take them when he is doing the surgery. It was a pretty sobering meeting as he went over the surgery with us and explained all the things, short and long term, that could go wrong. I guess ethically and legally he is obligated to present these possibilities to his patients. On the plus side he also presented what could go right so I choose to focus on that thought. At the end of his explanation he asked if we had any questions....I said no, I thought he had pretty much covered it but could he PLEASE do his best work on Tuesday. He assured me he would as long as Air Canada doesn't go on strike (he is away on an Air Canada flight for the next few days). I SWEAR TO GOD IF AIR CANADA DOESN'T GET HIM BACK HERE ON MONDAY I WILL NEVER STEP FOOT ON THEIR PLANES AGAIN!!! There...that felt good! Left the surgeon's office and did my usual retail therapy thing. As I was driving home I was thinking again about Geoff and Lindsey's wedding and hoping I would be recovered enough to go. Then I thought to myself...Of course I will be and to prove it to myself I stopped and bought shoes for the wedding!!! And they weren't cheap!!! I'm going to display them on the dresser in my room as a reminder that I am going to have a speedy recovery! This retail therapy thing has got to stop though or I'm going to go broke!

Just had to include a photo of the Winnie the Pooh pillow my badminton group gave to me as a reminder that I just need to get past this "bother".....using "positivity, perseverance and patience." These will be good reminders for me in the week to come!

Had another endoscope this morning. Did not get much opportunity to talk to my surgeon but he did say the PET Scan was good and that he would review the results of it with me tomorrow. One thing about surgeons is that once they don't want to talk to you anymore they just signal the nurse to give you your shot and boom.....you are gonzo! I would love a shot of that stuff before I go to bed at night. I could have especially used some of it last night!  It was not a night for sleep I'm afraid....fretting I think.....I am actually hitting the scared "shitless" phase of this journey. He told me I would need an enema the night before my surgery but I'm thinking, given my current state of mind this might be unnecessary!

I was thinking about the psychology of sport and winning this morning and was struck by the similarities of winning in sport and winning in life! This is the race of my life. I just feel like I am going to win. You are all supporting me in so many ways and your support encourages me to hold on to this belief. In sport you think about winning every day leading up to your event. In training, in practice and even as you are falling asleep at night. Sports psychologists will tell you that visualizing yourself winning is exactly what you should do. When I was taking chemotherapy and radiation I would visualize those little pac men gobbling up the cancer cells! I practiced that visualization all the time! I am told the tumour is basically inactive now....guess those little pac men did their jobs! As March 27 draws closer (only 6 days to to) I am looking at the surgery as the "event". This will become the now and I must stay focussed and positive. That is my job. I have already programmed myself for success but I will have to pass control over to my surgeon on that day and trust he knows what is best for me! You all have so much faith in me and although I don't often allow myself to think failure I would be lying if I said my mind never goes there! The good news is that those thoughts are fleeting and are quickly banished. I plan to be here for a long time to come!

Left Vancouver around noon today. It was snowing for heaven's sake!!! Really isn't much different there than here temperature wise, however, it was lovely to see green grass, trees with leaves and a few blossoms! Kelli and I had a great time and packed lots into our two days. She comes to Calgary on Friday and will be doing an elective here for a couple of weeks while I am in the hospital.

A busy week ahead. Tomorrow I go for an endoscope. Bring on the anesthetic! I will never entertain doing that test again without the benefit of sedation. Wednesday I have an appointment with the chemotherapy oncologist at the Tom Baker, Thursday Maureen and I are going to Water Valley to have lunch with a friend we haven't seen in over twenty years, my brother is having his hip surgery, Friday, Kelli arrives, Sunday is Lindsey's bridal shower and Monday is my pre-op appointment! I'm thinking this week is going to go by like a run away train. I get anxious just writing about it!

Dad called and suggested that Bill and I might like to come out to Windermere to play some golf! Would I ever! Unfortunately, there just isn't enough time in the week to make that happen. I am definitely planning to be on the golf course ASAP however. Hope the recovery time goes as fast as the lead up time as gone!

Wow....the weekend has flown by. Left Calgary on Friday night and headed west to Vancouver. Weather here unseasonably cool but the green grass and leaves on the trees are refreshing after leaving the brown of Calgary. Kelli met me at the airport and we took the sky train back to her place. Visited until the early hours and made our plans for the weekend. Up early Saturday and worked on the wedding movie! It is great! Geoff and Lindsey have provided us with lots of good material for a good show! Kelli has been a great help. I am pretty good with imovie but she is a wizard and much more proficient than I. It will be nice to have someone to share the blame with when we air the finished product! Headed out to do some shopping in the afternoon and both managed to spend some money. She even bought a pair of shoes and boots which goes to show you I do have some influence over my children. I love buying shoes! Went for Sushi and then she treated me to a comedy show by Brian Regan at The Center for Performing Arts. It was really funny and we spent a couple of hours enjoying many good laughs. This guy had quite the following. Although we were not familiar with him most of the audience appeared to know him well! A fun evening. Came home and crashed.
Sunday we worked a little more on the movie and it is close to finished. Headed down to Granville Island around noon and had a wander around the Market. It is a great place to spend a Sunday afternoon. Had one of the best cups of coffee there that I have had in years. It was absolutely delicious. Headed back home with plans to do a bike ride around the sea wall. It was a little cool and cloudy and we were both procrastinating a little but finally decided to bite the bullet and get a little fresh air and exercise before dinner. The exercise started well before the bike ride however as Kelli's tires were flat and pumping them up proved to be a bit of a workout in itself. Mission accomplished though and off we went and were we ever glad. The sun came out and we had a beautiful ride! Not too many people, fresh sea air and a little sunshine! It was heaven. Stopped and took a few photos before heading home to get ready to go out to one of Kelli and Mike's favourite restaurants, a little Thai Restaurant not far from their place. After a delicious dinner we headed to the movie theatre and took in "Safe House". Not exactly a chick flick! Probably something I would be more likely to watch with Bill than Kelli. It was a Denzel Washington film, action packed and quite violent! A sit on the edge of your seater! Home now and getting ready to hit the sack. It's been a great weekend but has flown by far too fast. Head home tomorrow.

Just waiting to head out to the airport. Going to see Kelli this weekend in Vancouver. She has lots of plans for us including "shoe shopping." I have neglected to mention this to Bill as he knows this is a dangerous activity for me to engage in.

Did a little running around today and stopped in at the CWC to pick up a bag from more of the badminton gang. I carried it out to my car in the parking lot and took a peek. Must confess I got a little teary! If any of you are reading this thank you so much! I am totally overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness and need to figure out how I'm ever going to thank everyone. I think I have the best friends in the entire universe! I LOVED the poster card with messages from each of you! I'm actually going to put it up in my house! The Winnie the Pooh pillow is adorable and will serve to remind me that this is just a little "bother" that I'm dealing with! Not sure I will feel that way on March 28! I usually don't like to take medication but in my head I am prepared to take anything they offer me in the way of pain medication! Thanks too for the gift cards. I feel so spoiled! I have never eaten at Fresh but think I will save that treat as a celebration dinner when this is over and done with.

I have heard nothing on my PET scan but I did hear from a friend who got his results back and the news is great. His cancer is mostly gone and they feel that the next couple of treatments should get it! That is the best news a person could hear!

Have a great weekend! I hear it is supposed to snow in Calgary. Sorry I will be missing that....ha ha......although I'm not sure the weather in Vancouver has been wonderful either!
Still green grass and flowers does have it's appeal! I'm packing my runners and my ipod!

Had a lovely message from my friend Sue Eng this morning with a signed attachment from the badminton crowd! I am really missing my Winter Club and my Winter Club and badminton friends. It is something I really look forward to getting back to. The Seniors and Masters Nationals are coming up and I know many of these people will be heading off to Quebec for a week of fun and competition! (For many, more fun than competition!) I wish I was going with them! I'm thinking it's going to be a ton of fun this year in Quebec!!!

Oh well...will continue to focus on the competition I am currently engaged in and one that doesn't have a lot of fun attached to it! In any case I did clear a hurdle this week. Although I have been working out faithfully I had let my running slide a little and was using the stationary bike and my Jari Love videos instead. This week I decided it was time to lace up the shoes and hit the running path again. There is no more ice to use as an excuse. Headed out for my first run on Tuesday in gale force winds. Usually I will use wind as my number one excuse not to run. I HATE RUNNING IN THE WIND! If I lived in Pincher Creek I would definitely give up running. In any case I had recently read a quote that kind of stuck with me. "Conditions are just never right! People who put off doing things until all factors are favourable achieve nothing." Hmmm.....So out I went and I would love to tell you I came back experiencing the runners high we runners all love. Not so! I was BEAT and I only ran a fraction of the distance I usually cover at half the speed. All that time on the bike had not prepared me for this. Yesterday was a day off. You can not work out before having a PETSCAN....it will make everything light up and give a false reading. (Strangely I only had one nurse tell me this which was lucky because working out has become my stress relief before all treatments and appointments.) I mentionned to Bill that I thought it was strange that they did not include this on the prep instructions for the PET scan and his comment was that there probably weren't too many cancer patients who would be working out prior to having the test so it wasn't something they needed to advise against. In any case...got up this morning and laced up again and headed out. Would love to tell you that this mornings run was much easier! Not so! I have a long road to getting back to running fit! But as I was running this morning I was wondering if I could be ready for the Loop the Lake in Windermere in August? Hmm.....something to consider......

So.....I will leave you with this thought:
Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed! Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve. It doesn't matter wheter you are the lion or the gazelle. When the sun comes up, you'd better be running!

Ticked two things off the to do list today. Had the phone interview with the nurse which wasn't really what I was expecting. Thought I might get more info on the surgery. Instead it was more information gathering from their point. Interestingly they asked a bunch of questions that I thought they should have already had in their files. It was quite apparent the nurse I was talking to hadn't read over my file before calling me as there were long pauses as she tried to scan it while asking me for information. No matter....it's off the list. Was a little out of sorts this morning. As I had mentionned, the PET Scan probably stresses me out more than anything else they have done to me. I didn't sleep that well last night so was a little out of sorts this morning. Then I had to watch Bill eat his breakfast while I drank five glasses of water when really what I wanted was a cup of java!! Bill was at least sensitive enough not to have coffee and opted to wait until I had finished with my scan. I have cut down drastically on my coffee consumption and that has not bothered me but it does bother me to have NO coffee! Arrived at the Foothills Nuclear Medicine Department (Even the name of the department is scary!) at 10:45. Brought my book this time knowing they were going to inject me with the radioactive stuff and then make me wait for an hour. The nurse took one look at my book and told me I was not allowed to read once injected. I had to simply rest! So much for being organized. They had a new injecting machine today and I got the distinct impression I was one of the first patients to try it out. It looked like a small zamboni or like the floor washing machine our school custodian uses. The woman from the company who supplied this piece of equipment was there to observe today. Talk about feeling like a pioneer!!! Got my injectio and then was told to rest for an hour in my closet of a room. As I laid there attempting to rest a couple of things occurred to me. Number one if I was at the spa and not in the Nuclear Medicine Department I would be totally relaxed and would think I had died and gone to heaven. Warm blankets, sexy pajamas (hmm....that's a stretch.....maybe I should say comfortable Pj's), and quiet ambience! Instead I'm lying there thinking about the stuff they have injected into me and how I set off all the bells and whistles at the US border the last time I had this test!

The second thing that crossed my mind was that after this is over I will NEVER have an unnecessary x-ray or exposure to radioactive material! I have always been annoyed by the so called "routine" xrays my dentist always wants to do. Well, from this point forward....if there isn't a reason for the xray it's not happening! I think I've probably been exposed to enough radiation to last me a long, long time! Ironically, as my friend Jenifer pointed out....radiation causes cancer and radiaton fixes cancer! Weird thought! Had the PET Scan which is basically a 28 minute photograph where you have to lay perfectly still with your arms above your head. God help you if you suffer from claustrophobia! Finally finished, jumped into my clothes and headed back out to the waiting room to collect Bill. On the way to the parking lot I told him about my resolution to not have any "unnecessary radiation" in the future and he said "So I guess you don't want to fly on an airplane to go to Hawaii or Mexico then?" I looked at him and said "You didn't listen....I said UNNECESSARY..." Went for lunch and more importantly coffee then headed home. Headed off for a walk with Boomer and am feeling much calmer now! Funny, once I have the test I'm not stressed it's just the lead up and the test itself that seem to throw me into a tailspin!

Up and at it. Had Ralph and Irene over last night to see our Nepal pictures which we have been promising to do for over a year now. It is so hard to believe that a year ago we were trekking on the Annapurna Circuit. I watched the pictures and it made me realize how much I long to do something like that again! It was probably my all time favourite trip. Along the way we stopped one day for lunch at a little tea house. On the wall of the tea house was a poster of the Dalaia Lama. I think Geoff, Lindsey and Bill thought I was crazy for photographing the poster (I photograph just about everything!) but for some reason I was quite taken with it and wanted to add it to my collecton of almost 1500 pictures. Last night when I watched the slide show I was reminded of the poster and decided to share it in today's blog. You can see the picture of the poster at the side of this blog but it is difficult to read the script so I will rewrite it.

Never give up
No mater what is going on,
Never give up.
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
Is spent developing the mind
Instead of the heart.
Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
but to everyone.
Work for peace
In your heart and in the world.
Work for peace
and I say again,
Never give up
No matter what is happening,
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up!

Dalaia Lama (XIVth)

So today I am feeling stressed. I am going to spin my Budhhist prayer wheels then I;m going to lace up my runners and go for a run. Boomer is pacing outside on the deck....The wind is blowing which usually puts me off of running but I think it is a good thing to do today!

Things are starting to happen and although I am anxious to get on with it I am also getting a little nervous! The pre-op lady finally got back to me this morning and set up two appointments. One, an information meeting re. the surgery (I'm really not sure I want to know much more than I already do! I do know this is a major surgery and they will need to inform me of all the risk factors etc.)and the other appointment, a pre-surgery check up which will take up to three hours. What the heck will they be checking me over for, for three hours???

My PETSCAN is scheduled for this Wednesday and I'm nervous about that too. I have no reason to think the results will be anything but good but I don't handle tests well! On a positive note I had an awesome email from a friend today who just went through some prenatal testing today and the results were all good!!! She was nervous too! But all is good! I am over the moon happy for her!

Looking for diversions for the next 15 days! On Friday I am heading out to Vancouver for the weekend to visit Kelli. She has all sorts of plans for us and I am really looking forward to seeing some green grass and flowers! Hopefully the sun will shine but it really doesn't matter!

Spent some time going through the book Brenda made for me and was interested in a message from a fellow badminton player who said his mother had been diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer 5 years ago. They gave her six months with no hope. She had the surgery anyway and now takes vitamins and drinks filtered water. The doctors are all scratching their heads. They can't find any trace of cancer anywhere! I am quite intrigued by what kind of vitamins she is taking and plan to get in touch with her. The scary part of all of this is I was a bit of a zealot on health matters before this all came about and already I am thinking about ways I can improve on my lifestyle, diet, etc. I will probably drive everyone around me crazy! I know in my heart that it is impossible to control everything we are exposed to in our environment. The doctor told me that there is no rhyme or reason to me getting esophageal cancer....it is just pure and simply bad luck, like getting hit by a lightening bolt. Still, I believe it is important to take the best care of yourself that you can. After all.....have you ever heard of anyone getting hit by lightening twice!??? I don't plan to that's for sure!

A busy day! Attended Uncle Bill's funeral today! Lots of people in attendance. His son Bill Jr. gave the eulogy and did a wonderful job of it. Not an easy thing to give a eulogy, especially when it is a family member! I always admire people who can stand up and do that! Well done Bill! You did your Dad proud!

A quick update on the Honey Badgers. They have raised close to $50,000 and are still fourth in the province of Alberta. The team has grown to 17 riders. I sponsored Lindsey and Amber. Amber has done the ride before and has an interesting fund raising strategy this year. She is offering three home made, hand decorated cookies for every $25.00 donated. I have attached a picture of my cookies! They are not only beautiful to look at, they are also delicious to eat! I am sure if you have already donated to Bill or Geoff you are regretting not holding off as they certainly weren't offering any pay offs like this!!!

Brian and Brenda stopped by tonight and brought me a beautiful book that Brenda put together. We have enjoyed numerous camping trips and hiking expeditions with Brian and Brenda over the years and the book has some wonderful photos and quotes as well as messages from so many of the badminton group at the Winter Club. I have just finished reading it from cover to cover and am totally overwhelmed by the effort and thoughtfulness of this beautiful gift. I loved every page of it but especially the page with the quote "We are all angels with one wing-we can fly only embracing each other." Followed by "Congratulations Leslie on having such wonderful angels in your life-Bill, Geoff, Kelli and of course Boomer." They certainly have been my angels but there are so many others out there as well! Every so often I stop and shake my head in amazement at the number of angels who have stepped up with acts of kindness and generosity. You have each made this journey much easier to navigate! You will never know the impact your acts of kindness have had on my life! I have learned so much from so many of you about ways to support people in times of crisis. I know I have said thank you many times but feel the need to repeat it again and again!

The countdown continues. 17 days til surgery! 4 days til PETSCAN! A friend sent me some words of wisdom and inspiration yesterday. She herself has been along this road and came out victorious. She said to me "Going on a Lion Hunt.....Can't go around it....gotta go thru it! Remember there is another side to all of this!" Thankyou Deb....I will hang on to that thought!

Did a little retail therapy today. Started out shopping for shower gifts for my daughter-in-law....and although I did find things for her, I also ended up shopping for myself. My friend Marcia suggested that special shampoo might help with the shedding problem so I decided what the heck....might as well give it a try! Went to Aveda and the girl sold me a "new product. So I am going to discover the power of Densiplex! I will be tapping the wisdom of Ayurveda-the ancient healing art of India. The product is an "invigorating blend of Ayurvedic herbs including turmeric and ginseng that helps power Invati (whatever the heck that is!) I think I may have been duped big time but oh well....isn't the first time and definitely won't be the last!!!

Once I had my hair product in hand I headed into Banana Republic. There I tried on a sweater. I have been steering clear of clothes shopping as it is proving to be quite depressing at the moment however, I think I can confirm Kelli's theory that Banana Republic has mirrors in the dressing room that make you look taller and thinner! I have suspected this for sometime now but today am absolutely convinced of it!!! I haven't yet tried the sweater on at home in front of my brutally honest mirror but I am sure I will have irrevocable proof once I do! That should be illegal!!! Oh well I do have the receipt so can always return it! Do you think they will call security if I accuse them of this when I do the return???? Stay tuned!

I am now in countdown mode once again! 5 days to my PETSCAN and 18 days to surgery! I'm not sure if the time is going to fly or drag. I have great ambivalance about these upcoming events. On the one hand I can hardly wait to get on with it and on the other hand I am nervous as all get out! My game plan is to keep busy and so far so good and many of my friends are doing their part to help out in this regard.

Have had a pretty low key day today but did do my morning workout and hour walk in the off leash park with Boomer. My hair continues to thin (Jenifer thinks it's just the "winter shed!".....where do my friends come up with these "hair brained" ideas???) Anyways...I am avoiding using my hair dryer as it seems to come out when I dry my hair more than any other time. Having said that when I went on the walk today there were gale force winds (worse on the hill). I saw one little dog that looked like he was going to be blown away. Then it occurred to me that I might get back to the parking lot and all my hair would be gone! Fortunately didn't happen but the fact that I'm even thinking those thoughts shows that I am bugged! Bill keeps reminding me that I shaved my head once and it wasn't that bad....he doesn't understand why it would bother me this time! Can't say as I know the answer to that either! Maybe it was the $13,000 the students raised for the Terry Fox Run that made it easier the first time!

Not a great deal planned for the weekend except for a funeral on Sunday. My dear Godmother, Aunt Marion's, husband recently passed away of leukemia after a lengthy illness. Aunt Marian is one of those people who is there for everyone when they need her so I have no doubt that the funeral will be well attended by those of us who have been recipients of her kindness and generosity over the years. My Mom and Aunt Marian were the best of friends since they were small girls growing up in Gull Lake, Saskatchewan. Their friendship spanned over 60 years. They grew up together, went to nursing school together and Aunt Marian was with my Mom when she passed away almost 11 years ago. Not many of us can lay claim to a friendship as long standing as that.

I am now in countdown mode. Six days til my PETSCAN and 21 days til surgery! Trying to remain upbeat but must confess I am getting a little anxious. I cannot kid myself that this next part is going to be easy! All I can hope for is that there are no complications and I will have a speedy recovery! I also look forward to getting back to my normal weight! My Dad took us out for dinner last night and I put on a pair of dress pants and was not impressed with the "snug" fit.

Took Boomer to the dogwash yesterday and now he is positively molting. I am wishing like crazy he was a chocolate lab and then I could maybe use what he doesn't need for my own head. The hair continues to thin. I am still not at the stage where I think I am going to totally lose my hair but it is definitely thinning and I am starting to understand those bald guys that grow the three strands they have long enough that they can comb right across their heads to cover their bald spots. I am ruffling mine up to cover my part which I think is more pronounced than usual. I shouldn't be confessing this because I am pretty sure it will just make you all pay more attention to my head when you see me!

I have been educated by my daughter as to what "gorbs" (yesterdays blog) stands for and I stand corrected. Gorbs stands for "Geek on rented Boots and Skis." That is not me....I figure I belong to the "Goobs" category..."Geek on own boots and skis!"…...  Enough prattling for today. I'm going out to enjoy the beautiful day!

Just got back from a quick trip down to Fernie and Pincher Creek. We spent a day in Fernie with our friends Jenifer and Gary and their daughter Krista. Actually took my skis and had a great day skiing. Must confess my stamina isn't what it usually is but it was really nice to be out enjoying the company of friends in the outdoors. It was a short day but I had more than enough skiing. Jen and Gary headed back to Calgary and we went on to Pincher Creek to visit my brother and his wife Michelle. Got up yesterday morning and it had snowed 50 cm at Castle Mountain so decided to head up there. After half a run my legs were burning up! Not like me at all. Not sure if it was the snow or the effect of the treatment on my stamina but I was definitely the slow poke in the group. I had three hot dog skiers giving my pointers...do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that! The night before my brother had shared a video with us of his friend's son doing some extreme skiiing at Castle(and I do mean extreme!!!) In the video they interviewed one of the skiers and he said that Castle was an amazing place to ski because 90% of the skiers there were accomplished skiers and there were very few "gorbs". I had never heard that term before but a gorb is someone who is not a great skier! I'm afraid that thought kept jumping into my head all day long...."Gorb!Gorb! Gorb! Leslie is a Gorb!" To be honest, I only saw one other gorb all day! I've been skiing all my life and consider myself a decent skier on normal snow but this was something else. I think I fell over thirty times and believe me, that is a conservative estimate. I viewed those surrounding mountains from absolutely every angle, sideways, upside down and right side up! I did sit downs, face plants and cartwheels. I even had to be dug out and assisted back to the standing position. By 2:00 I had had it! Bill who usually falls way more than me did not fall once and kept raving that it was the best day of skiing he had ever had! Although I did enjoy myself I was bordering on exhaustion by the time we got back to Kevin's place! I fell into the hot tub, had supper, watched the Flames finally win a game and was in bed by 9:30, in a coma by 9:40 only to be awoken by my faithful friend Boomer gagging and wretching at the side of my bed. Michelle and Kevin had entertained him for two days by throwing sticks and he had managed to get a piece of wood stuck in his throat. Well...I came wide awake and quickly ushered him into the bathroom where he spent the remainder of the night on the concrete floor as I wasn't going to risk him puking on carpet! I'm sure if it hadn't been for this crisis I would have slept for two days straight. Got up this morning, had breakfast and hit the road. Legs are a little weary still but it was so nice to get out and do something fun and normal! My goal right now is to pack as many enjoyable things in as I can in the next 20 days as I know my activities are going to come to a grinding halt. Reality set in when I arrived home and had phone messages from the Pre-op clinic to set up an appointment for me and from the Nuclear Medicine Department to confirm my PET scan date! Party poopers!!
Oh well....it was fun while it lasted!!!

Had a rather uneventful day. Puttered around the house this morning. Bill went out for breakfast with his buddies so I had my workout and then breakfast on my own. I actually enjoy these mornings when I'm on my own because I get to "cheat" on my breakfast! A cheat for me used to be eating something I normally wouldn't eat....ie: chips, or chocolate, or ice cream or some other goodie! Now a cheat is when I just have toast and coffee for breakfast instead of the full meal deal!!! A cheat now is ordering a low fat latte instead of a full fat latte! Another example of a current cheat would be having only a salad for lunch or even skipping lunch. The food police (Bill) watches me like a hawk and makes sure I am keeping up my caloric intake!!!! If he catches me "cheating" I am reminded that if I want to go to Mexico I need to do everything in my power to ensure that I will have a good recovery after my surgery. This includes going into the surgery "PLEASINGLY PLUMP!!!" I think I am well beyond this stage but laugh at the number of friends who look me dead on in the eye and say "You look great! Sure doesn't look like you've gained weight!" They are liars in the first degree and I love them dearly for it. I'd surelyl do the same thing if the shoe were on the other foot! Sometimes a lie is a good thing!

Tomorrow we will head down to Pincher and to Fernie. Looking forward to getting away for a few days! The more diversions I have over the next month the better!

Dropped into the school for a visit today. Sharron, a friend and teacher with whom I have worked with for years called and told me the Student Leadership Group had made something for me. The something was a beautiful card with lovely messages written by each of the kids. I have just finished reading the entire card and I am touched by their thoughts! Reading the card only serves to accentuate how much I miss each of them! They are special kids! The teachers also had a little something for me. A box of wacky, dangly earrings to wear in the event I lose my hair (which unbelievably could yet happen) Interestingly it is recommended you wear earrings that make a statement and that are big and dangle! This collection definitely does do that! The idea is that it will make you feel and look more feminine, however, not sure rubber chicken earrings will do the trick!!! Definitely a "teacher" collection of adornments!!! I will have fun wearing them that's for sure!

I keep thinking I should drop in for a visit with the students but wrestle with the wisdom of this. I'm don't know if this would be a good thing or not. On the one hand I think it would be positive and reassuring for the kids to see that I do not look sick, that I am up and about and that I do still have my hair (at least at the moment.) On the other hand I worry that a visit might be more disruptive than productive. I also have very real concerns that I might catch something. Schools are full of germs and at this point in time I cannot not afford to catch something which would result in delaying my surgery. So I will continue to wrestle with this thought.

Went to bed with Isabelle (my white rabbit) which reminded me that I needed to say "White Rabbits" first thing this morning. I actually said it three times...each and every time I woke up in the night after the stroke of midnight so I should be good to go for the month of March! Hopefully all my friends did the same. I think a few of you should keep your luck! I know there are other things going on out there that require a little good fortune so if you need your luck don't feel obligated to will it to me! I have more than my share!

On the downside!! I could be imagining things but I'm thinking I'm losing my hair. I finished my treatment three weeks ago so it should have happened before now.....I have spent the last hour googling hair loss on the internet and in almost every case people lose their hair between the 2nd and 3rd week of treatment. Most are starting to regrow it by now.....so to be losing it now seems weird. Kelli and Bill actually had a bet on this. Kelli bet I would lose my hair...Bill said no. They bet breakfast and last weekend Bill made Kelli pay up! I'm thinking she may be collecting her bet back!!! I posted this on facebook this morning and within minutes had responses from three people. Marion, my ever positive, upbeat and supportive neighbou r said "It may just be dry stuff coming out which is good cause then you'll have nice soft hair!" Bernice's take on it was "Just getting rid of your winter coat....no worries Does she think I'm Boomer or what??? Then she added "You look great bald" (She should know because she was instrumental in me having to shave me head a few years back for the Terry Fox cause...) I didn't think the kids could raise $10,000 in 4 days but I underestimated the power of a head secretary and email! I will never underestimate Bernice again! That girl makes things happen! Then the third email came from my cousin's daughter Katie...she agrees with Bernice and Marion...."Just get a really good haircut....they'll get it into good condition and it'll stop falling out!".....Thanks girls!!! I'll keep you posted. In the meantime I'm thinking maybe I'll stop brushing my hair completely. That might help!